


Our Road to Paradise

by Little_Miss_Bunny



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Arcobaleno are Gods, CEO Hibari Kyouya, Curses, F/M, Fantasy, Fluff and Crack, Friendship, Gen, God!Kawahira, God!Sepira, Hibari and Tsuna Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Kawahira is So Done, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Personal Secretary Tsuna, Reborn's a little shit, Tsuna is So Done, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-04-20 23:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14272125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Miss_Bunny/pseuds/Little_Miss_Bunny
Summary: Kawahira had it—he was done, so beyond done it wasn't even funny (maybe). So finally, he took it upon himself to punish the ones he was supposed to call his children. Cursing them to become human infants, Kawahira was rather pleased with himself—yes, he was. Sepira wasn't, but when did she ever help him anyway?Well, at least the poor mortal had her blessings.Cross-posted from FF.





	1. Chapter 1

_“Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.”_ – Nikos Kazantzakis 

* * *

Kawahira despised being a father. 

He didn’t even consider these unstable, wild adults as his children, but that was what Sepira had said when she gave life to them (not in the sense of pregnancy, no—she quite literally made them out of whatever she got her hands on and Kawahira didn’t bother to ask). They didn’t even start out as babies because the world’s creation apparently had a deadline. He didn’t think too much of it. The mystics of the universe were not his domain and he barely understood how they worked—that was Sepira’s job and she rarely told him anything about it either. 

Wonderful.

Another distant crash sounded from the hallway five rooms down. Kawahira’s brow twitched. His grip nearly slipped from his cup when a yelp tore through the silence. Was it so hard to ask for a _peaceful_ day? 

He scowled. “Did you only work on their bodies and not on their _minds_?” 

Sepira laughed daintily behind her hand. “I think they’re wonderful.” 

“They destroyed our home countless times already. Aren’t you _tired_ of rebuilding it?” 

The infuriating smile never left his companion’s face. “Not at all! There are always things to fix and replace afterwards. It’s a very refreshing process, don’t you think?” 

Gunshots suddenly ricocheted loudly outside, drawing closer and closer to the quaint tearoom they resided in. Kawahira closed his eyes and slowly counted to a hundred until the doors burst open. He didn’t even reach two. 

“—ng bastard, kora!” Colonello said, aiming his rifle at Reborn. “Keep still so I can _kill_ you!” 

“Keep trying,” Reborn said with a small smirk. “Good afternoon, Sepira.” 

Sepira beamed. “Good afternoon to you, too, Reborn. My, you’re all quite lively today.”

“Don’t encourage them,” Kawahira said, glaring. 

Reborn slightly tipped his ridiculous fedora. “A little exercise never hurt once in a while.” 

Kawahira couldn’t even contain his heavy sigh. “Pray do tell, Reborn, Colonello— _why_ are you fighting? And why _here_ of all places?” 

He was largely ignored— _again_ —when Colonello leapt over the table. The blond tried to grab Reborn, but his fingers barely brushed his suit jacket. Kawahira gaped when everything on the table went flying to the ground, smashing into little pieces. His hand clenched into a fist, which burned from his spilled tea. Nonetheless, this did not deter the other men, who continued to trade strong blows that shook the room. 

Sepira waved a hand over the mess; the shattered pieces glowed briefly before coming back together and repairing themselves. Kawahira growled when his cup of tea returned to his hand. He didn’t want more tea—okay, he did but that wasn’t the point—he wanted those insufferable men to stop _fighting_ and just _leave_. 

“It’s still warm, just how you like it,” Sepira said, smiling.

Kawahira opened his mouth until the window suddenly smashed open. His jaw clenched when the glass exploded onto the ground. A loud war cry announced Lal Mirch’s arrival before she joined the fray. 

“Took you long enough, kora!” Colonello said, aiming to swipe Reborn’s legs. 

Smacking his head, Lal Mirch jumped over him to land a spinning kick against Reborn’s head. “I’m 0.5 milliseconds older than you, you idiot! Treat me with some damn respect!” 

Reborn easily dodged the twins’ barrage of kicks and punches, weaving in and out of their superbly coordinated attacks. Kawahira would’ve praised them if he were anyone else—but he wasn’t and he didn’t. His knuckles turned white from his forceful grip, and he again, counted to a hundred in his head. 

“Grab him, idiot!” Lal Mirch said, raising her gauntlet. 

Clicking his tongue, Colonello raised his rifle. “I’m _trying_ , kora!”

Several bullets tore through the air while Reborn dashed away from the onslaught. Smoking holes decorated the cream-colored walls behind him. Kawahira scowled when Sepira giggled. 

“I was thinking of changing the color anyways,” she said. “Do you think rose pink will do?” 

“Wonderful,” Kawahira said through gritted teeth. “Absolutely _marvelous_. Can we j—” 

The doors slammed open again, cutting him off. Skull marched inside with impressive bravado,  his full leather outfit singed and drenched in oil; the terrible odor made Kawahira’s eyes water. Even Sepira raised a hand to cover her nose. 

“Oh, dear,” she said. “What happened, Skull?” 

Skull just tore his helmet from his head and threw it the side. “Who the _hell_ fucked up my motorcycle?” 

His siblings paused briefly to point at each other. Skull released a frustrated cry, and before Kawahira could stop him, jumped in the air with a raised fist, aiming it at Reborn. 

The wall exploded behind the other man, who simply moved to the side. Bricks and debris flew everywhere, letting sunlight and wind enter the half-demolished room. Kawahira coughed when a billow of dust blew in his face. He glared at Sepira again, hoping that she’d just up and burn with the rest of these insufferable gods. If the humans saw them now, all of their credibility would be moot—well, it wasn’t as if they were well-known to begin with, even if they were the _real_ gods of the world. Humans, how ignorant could they be?

Kawahira glanced at the fighting deities. Perhaps it was for the best. 

“Iron and steel are quite popular building materials lately,” Sepira said with a smile. 

Kawahira’s brow twitched. “I do not _care_.” 

“I said it was Colonello,” Reborn said, flipping over Lal Mirch’s kick. 

Colonello gritted his teeth. “And I said it was Lal, kora.” 

Lal Mirch flicked her hair over shoulder. “My money’s on Reborn.”

Skull scowled. “I don’t care! It was probably all of you!”

He yelped when Reborn kneed him in the head. “You’re talking out of line again, lackey.” 

“I will happily fix it for you, Skull,” Sepira said, clapping her hands. 

None of them heard what she said, too busy punching, kicking, and shooting each other. Kawahira wondered if the world could go on without these idiots. It worked fine when it was only him and Sepira. The woman had single-handedly created the universe anyways. That was good enough, right? If only she hadn’t thought of splitting some of her domains to these… _children_. 

Lal Mirch grabbed Skull and hurled him at Reborn. “At least be useful, idiot!” 

Skull screeched when he flew out the large hole instead. Reborn blocked Colonello’s punch and swiftly kicked him in the stomach, knocking him into Lal Mirch and making them both fly out the same hole. Kawahira stood up then, his chair scraping loudly, and walked over to Reborn as calmly as he could. 

Before he could say a word, a loud scream came from below. He paled when he saw Fon quickly rendering Colonello unconscious with some well-placed jabs. Skull had already bolted. Smart boy. Lal Mirch glanced at her convulsing twin and raised her hands. 

“Fon,” she said slowly, “we can tal—” 

She flinched when Fon instantly appeared in front of her, jabbing her shoulders and legs. He barely looked winded when Lal Mirch fell on top of Colonello, both of them twitching in an odd pile. Fon’s slight smile was a bit sharper than usual. Kawahira turned away to sit back down. 

Sepira smiled. “Was that Fon?”

Kawahira pursed his lips. “Yes.” 

“They should know by now that he doesn’t like being disturbed when he’s meditating.” 

Kawahira rolled his eyes. “Maybe you should’ve created a spare room for him and him alone.” 

Sepira clapped her hands together. “What a wonderful idea! See, you’re a natural at this!” 

Kawahira just sipped his tea to calm his nerves. It almost worked—almost. Leaping into the room, Fon briefly surveyed the damage before his eyes landed on a lax Reborn. 

“Good afternoon, Fon,” Sepira said. “Would you like some oolong tea?” 

Fon smiled, his eyes softening. “No thank you, Sepira. I am currently occupied with more important matters at the moment. Perhaps another time?” 

“Alright.” 

Kawahira wanted to bash his head against the table. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” Reborn said, glancing at his nails. “I thought you were off somewhere in the mountains.”

“You know where I mediate, Reborn,” Fon said. “And I would appreciate it if it went undisturbed.” 

“Oh? Then you’re talking to the wrong person.” 

“I am not the one who threw three people at an innocent bystander.” 

Reborn glanced at the two lumps of bodies below. “Lal threw Skull. Perhaps you should work on your meditation. Your sense of control and reason are rather lac—” 

He narrowly dodged Fon’s roundhouse kick and another succession of punches that were just a blur to the other occupants in the room. Reborn slightly smirked, moving sideways to dodge another kick. 

“Yes, very lacking.” 

“Do you want to place any bets?” a monotone voice suddenly said. 

Kawahira tensed until he realized the other inhabitant at the table. His brow twitched. “Viper.” 

Sepira smiled at the cloaked man. “Good afternoon, Viper. Strawberry milk?” 

“Yes. How much do you want?” 

Sepira sighed. “All I ask is for a smile, Viper.” 

“Money is valuable. You can get many things with money.” 

“You’re a god,” Kawahira deadpanned. “You can get whatever you want.” 

Viper didn’t even spare him a glance. Then again, fortune and luck were his domain. Still… 

Sepira rested a hand on her cheek. “Your happiness is more valuable to me, Viper.” 

Kawahira rolled his eyes. Viper was probably one of the most emotionally-stunted deities of them all—actually, scratch that, they _all_ were; yes, even Fon, because that man was severely lacking in social cues—and hearing Sepira spout all these sentimentalities was just nauseating. 

Another crash made him twitch. There went the grandfather clock. 

“Where’s Verde?” Kawahira said, looking around the room for any bugs or hidden cameras. 

Any moment now, Verde would send in drones to fight for no one but himself. Really, all he did was watch from the sidelines while experimenting his weapons on his siblings. Thank the heavens that Kawahira and Sepira managed to keep the deities away from most human conflicts. Earth would cease to exist, Sepira would be too sad to re-create it for a century or so, and Kawahira would not appreciate winding time backwards just for these gods to destroy the world again. Time was too delicate to mess with—now _that_ was his child.

Now that he thought about it… 

Viper accepted the carton of strawberry milk that Sepira produced out of thin air. “If you want to know where he is, you’ll have to pay me.” 

Kawahira sighed. “I wasn’t asking you.” 

Sepira frowned. “Where _is_ Verde? I haven’t seen him for the past few weeks and it’s quite worrying. He needs rest.”

“He’s still in the basement working on his 113th AI.” 

Kawahira gaped while Viper quietly sipped his drink. “You would tell her without asking for money, but not _me_?” 

“If you want my reason, then you’ll have to pay.” 

“I helped _create_ you!” 

Viper peered at him from under his hood. “I don’t understand why you’re so worked up about that now. Why don’t you drink some more tea? I heard it helps relax tense nerves.” 

Kawahira took a deep breath and let it out slowly, very slowly. Sepira patted his arm comfortingly, but it only worsened his mood. 

“Come now,” she said. “Drink some more tea, Kawahira. It will help considerably.” 

“I don’t _want_ to drink more tea,” Kawahira said through gritted teeth. “I want them _out_.” 

Then, a sudden hush fell over the room, silencing whatever Sepira had to say. Reborn and Fon paused in their scuffle to look around the room, their bodies tense. Even Viper stood up, his fingertips peeking out of his long sleeves. The distant rattling of chains echoed from the shadows, and Kawahira just brought up his hands to massage his temples. 

Reborn clicked his tongue. “Dramatic as always, Bermuda.” 

“Reborn,” a low voice said. “Fon.” 

Kawahira looked like he swallowed a bee, several of them actually. Sepira smiled at a corner of the room and raised another teacup.

“Would you like some chamomile tea, Bermuda?” 

A tall man silently appeared from the shadows, his sliver eyes glowing ever so faintly. He blinked at the offered cup before shaking his head. “No, thank you.” 

“Alright then. Let me know if you change your mind. It’s still warm.” 

“You are taking this less seriously than you should be, Sepira,” Kawahira said, narrowing his eyes.

“Oh, how do you mean?” 

Kawahira didn’t push. It wasn’t worth it. 

“What drew you out of the gutter this time, Bermuda?” Reborn said, twirling his gun. 

Bermuda just stared at his twin, unfazed. “You were being loud.” 

“I am sorry for disturbing your sleep, Bermuda,” Fon said with a slight smile. “But you should come again when we’re not busy.” 

Kawahira rubbed a hand over his face, his mind whirling. Yes, maybe that should do. Why didn’t he think of this before? Before he could speak, the other men immediately clashed. And there went the other half of the wall. 

Reborn fired several shots at Bermuda who simply warped away with his shadows. Fon immediately grabbed Reborn’s arm and snaked his body around his neck. Before Fon could actually snap it and some other bones, long chains sprouted from Bermuda’s cloak and wrapped around both men. They carefully tugged Fon away from Reborn’s neck and suspended them in mid-air. 

Bermuda might be a quiet man but at least he had some sense. If Kawahira had to, he’d admit that Bermuda was the closest deity to being his favorite child. He blinked when the other man walked back to the shadows with Reborn and Fon in chains behind him. 

“Where are you going, Bermuda?” Kawahira said warily. 

Bermuda looked at him then, his eyes blank. Kawahira suppressed a shiver. At times, they looked gray, sometimes black, but they never lost that deep, contemplative stare.

“To punish them accordingly,” Bermuda said, as if he was talking about the weather. “They disturbed my sleep. I hope you do not expect them for the next few weeks.” 

Reborn chuckled darkly. “And yet you forget that I am most powerful in the day, little brother.” 

“We were born at the same exact time, Reborn.” 

Before Reborn could break out of Bermuda’s chains, Kawahira raised his hand, freezing the time frame around his body and rendering him motionless. Reborn’s eyes narrowed, promising murder. Fon blinked before stopping his struggles. 

“Thank you, Bermuda,” Kawahira said, “but I have something else in mind. Could you please get the others as well?” 

Bermuda glanced at Reborn’s stiff body then back at Kawahira. Finally, he stepped away from the shadows and let his chains travel swiftly throughout their large house. Viper tried to disappear but a chain wrapped around his arms before he could move. Ignoring Sepira’s disapproving look, Kawahira patiently waited for the other gods to be assembled.

Lal Mirch and Colonello were now conscious, barely regaining their bearings when they were brought back inside. When they opened their mouths, Kawahira was grateful that some chains wrapped around them, rendering them speechless.

“—he hell? What did I _do_? Bermuda!” 

Skull struggled uselessly against his binds with Verde following not soon after, his lips pursed and brows furrowed. 

Kawahira smiled. “Wonderful.” His face then became utterly blank. Sadly, it did not intimidate the struggling gods. “Now, I’ve been very patient with all of you.” 

“Kawahira,” Sepira said, “please don’t do anything unreasonable.” 

What little tolerance Kawahira had just snapped. “I had it, Sepira! I’m done! Absolutely finished!” He turned to the gods and jabbed a finger at them. “All of you are so incompetent, I’m surprised the world hasn’t just _exploded_ yet! Reborn, how many times do I have to tell you to stop trying to make the sun _rise_ at night? You have your half of the day and Bermuda has his—what is so hard to understand?” 

Reborn had the gall to roll his eyes. Why was _he_ the sun god again? 

“Colonello, being tripped on the streets—accident or not—is _not_ a legitimate reason in any way to flood a whole country!”

Said man was trying to bite Bermuda’s chain off and failing in epic proportions. 

“Lal Mirch, burning people alive for just _looking_ at you is not even close to being the correct social response.” 

Lal Mirch’s red eyes blazed with unholy wrath. Kawahira could feel heat emanating from her body, but only rolled his eyes. She needed to learn how to keep her temper in check. 

“Skull, no matter how upsetting some deaths are, you do _not_ return souls to their physical hosts because I will know _regardless_. Do you know how many times Wonomichi had to clean up your messes?” 

Not to mention the mortals going around saying that they met God or whatever when really, it was just Skull returning their souls and leading Wonomichi on a wild goose chase halfway around the world— _twice_. Kawahira didn’t even want to _think_ about all the hoops he had to jump through to make sure Skull didn’t screw up the natural flow of the universe. Now that he thought about it, that was in _Sepira’s_ job description. But then again, he was also Death so he could see where the lines were blurred. 

Skull pouted. “But they didn’t deserve to die…” 

Kawahira deadpanned. “Everyone eventually dies, Skull. It’s not a matter of who deserves it or not. It’s just how the natural order works and you will _stop_ interfering.” 

Skull glared but kept his mouth shut.

“Fon, when a person looks you directly in the eye, it does not always mean that they want to challenge you to a fight nor does it mean disrespect. Every culture is different; it’s just how it is. And please, no more hurricanes in the Mediterranean. You’re only confusing the mortals; sending them into mass hysteria is not helping anyone. Most of the victims weren’t even supposed to _die_ last week.” 

Fon lowered his eyes and mumbled a soft apology. Kawahira just sighed. Sepira’s gaze practically burned on his back but he still paid her no mind. She could’ve done this much earlier, like _centuries_ ago.

“Viper, I do not approve you asking for sacrifices from the mortals. It is entirely inappropriate and you should stop letting your incessant greed get in the way of your duties.” 

“If you pay me what I ask for then—” 

“No. You won’t listen to me either way.” 

Viper pursed his lips, neither confirming nor denying Kawahira’s claim.

“Verde, working on your experiments is fine, but it’d be nice if you don’t use them on your… _siblings_ or on the mortals either. And don’t think I didn’t know it was _you_ who helped the Allies build the nuclear bombs. Contrary to what you believe, you’re not the only smart one here.”

“Perhaps I should study the male body again for signs of something similar to that of the female’s menstrual cycle,” Verde said in that infuriatingly even tone of his. 

Some of the gods snickered. Even Sepira coughed lightly behind her hand, and quickly sipped her tea when Kawahira faced her with narrowed eyes. 

“And Bermuda,” he said, “you come to me or Sepira if Reborn disturbs your domain because having seven solar eclipses in a week is _not natural_.” 

Bermuda cocked his head. “I have asked him not to intrude many times. I do not think either of you are strong enough to stop Reborn. He listens to no one.” 

Kawahira’s brow twitched. “I control time and oversee the dead, and Sepira is basically the mother of this whole universe. I’m sure we’re more than capable of handling Reborn.” His lips then curved into a pleasant smile. “And that is why I was thinking of sending you all on a wonderful self-discovery journey. I find it rather fitting.” 

“Kawahira,” Sepira said in a warning tone.

Kawahira rolled his eyes. “Oh, please, Sepira, you knew this was coming.”

Sepira hummed to herself. “Well, yes, I suppose.” She smiled brightly. “Oh, it’d be wonderful for you all to get out of the house, don’t you think? Like a little family vacation!” 

“No!” Skull said, his eyes wide. “Hell no! I’m sorry, okay? I’ll do my job properly! I’ll stop returning souls!” He gave Sepira his best puppy-dog eyes, making Kawahira snort. “Please, Sepira? You know I always mean what I say, right?” 

Sepira smiled. “Yes, I do.” 

“So, you can let us go now? 

“Already? My, I didn’t know you were so eager to leave home, Skull.”

“That’s not what I meant!” 

“I’ll pay you whatever you want if I’m excluded from this,” Viper said to Sepira. 

Skull glared. “Traitor!” 

“Oh, but I guarantee that this vacation will pay off more than you think, Viper,” Sepira said, clapping her hands. 

Verde pursed his lips. “I’ll join dinner twice a week, whichever day you prefer.” 

“But I prefer every day and every meal, Verde. I rarely see you anymore.” 

“We…can negotiate at a later time.”

“I will accept any punishment given to me,” Fon said, “and I will carry it out to the best of my abilities.”

Sepira smiled. “You’re an honorable man, Fon. I’m sure the others would take note of it, no?” 

Silence. 

“I am confused,” Bermuda said, his brows slightly furrowed. “Why must I be involved? I have done nothing wrong.”

“Oh, suck it up, Bermuda,” Skull said, rolling his eyes. “You probably did some shady shit before without us even knowing. You’re no saint either.” 

He flinched when Bermuda turned his gaze on him. 

“Care to repeat that?” 

The chains around Skull tightened even more, making him gasp for air. “N—No. Y—You’re an angel…” 

Raising his hand, Kawahira drew his power from deep within. A small glow pulsed in his palm before enveloping the other gods. They all struggled uselessly against his much stronger magic and Kawahira found himself delighted at that. 

“You are to be cursed in human bodies,” he said, “as infants with nothing more than your own conscience. You will have no access to your magic or affinities until the curse is complete.” He smiled thinly at the growing horror on their faces; even Bermuda looked a little paler than usual. “Isn’t it nice to start your lives anew again?” 

Reborn and Lal Mirch burned him with their eyes—literally. His skin felt a bit hot. Colonello screamed muffled curses behind his chain. 

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me?” Skull said. “You can’t do that! What about our duties?” 

“No, I’m not kidding,” Kawahira deadpanned. “Yes, I can do this. I’m doing it right now. And Sepira and I did just fine running the world without you idiots anyways.” 

“This is not what I had in mind,” Fon said, his voice strained. 

“I will _haunt_ you for the rest of your pathetic _existence_ ,” Viper hissed. 

“Your body will be subject to _all_ of my experiments,” Verde snarled. 

“You will regret this, Kawahira,” Bermuda said, his eyes glinting dangerously. 

Kawahira smiled slightly. “Oh, this I will never regret. Frankly, I should’ve done this a long time ago.”

With that, the gods vanished in a surge of light. As the glow slowly died down, Kawahira exhaled deeply, feeling much more at peace than he felt in _years_. His body relaxed, but his head still pounded from the exertion. De-aging centuries-old gods took a small toll on him, especially when it was eight deities all at once. Either way, he thought it was worth it. 

He sat down in his chair with a pleased sigh. “That was the most fun I had in a while.” 

Sepira pursed her lips. “They’ll possibly never trust you again, Kawahira.” 

Kawahira sipped his tea with a shrug. “Why bother? They never liked me anyways.” 

“I beg to differ.”

Kawahira scoffed. “Are we talking about the same people here? Please, _me_ going too far? This is just what they needed in my opinion. Some new perspective will do nicely. Maybe they’ll actually _grow up_.” 

“And where did you send them?” 

Kawahira waved his hand dismissively. “They’re scattered across the earth by now.” 

“Did you just forget that you turned them into mortals— _infant_ mortals?” 

The god paused. “Ah well, someone will find them. Good Samaritans aren’t extinct, Sepira.”

His companion smiled sweetly. “You will tell me where they are or I will turn _you_ into a mortal infant and have you join them.” 

It took every ounce of willpower for Kawahira not to flinch. He pursed his lips. 

“Fine.”

* * *

Sepira found Reborn and Bermuda in Palermo, far in some alleyway. 

Smiling down at the sleeping infants, she cooed. “Oh, you’re quite adorable as babies. Perhaps I should’ve done that first when I created you all.” 

The infants did not stir from her voice nor from the bustling in the streets. Well, at least Kawahira did something right in that regard. Sepira wouldn’t know how she’d handle crying babies since, well, she never raised one. All of the gods were born as adults so she didn’t have to go through the hassle. Sometimes she regretted not experiencing what the mortals call true motherhood, but… 

There was no time to dwell on that. She had to find them a suitable guardian until their curse was complete. Luckily, she knew just the right person—she had seen this coming ages ago after all.

Really, they could all get along if Kawahira would just get off his high stool and properly connected with them. Though, she had to give him _some_ credit for lasting this long. 

“I know you’re angry at Kawahira,” she said, brushing thin strands of black hair from Bermuda’s face. “But don’t be angry at him for too long. You’re all quite a handful if I do say so myself.” She chuckled softly. “Oh, but this was inevitable. I promise that this will all be worthwhile in the end. You’ll probably thank Kawahira later when the time comes.”

Hoisting the basket against her hip, Sepira closed her eyes. Her power pulsed through her body as she envisioned the place she wanted to go. Soon, her surroundings blurred and shifted from the vibrant streets of Palermo to the more muted, quiet hallway of a nice Tokyo apartment. 

The sound of cars and street life from below was distant. Still, neither infant stirred from their deep slumber.

Sepira placed the basket in front of a door that read 2070. Crouching, she giggled when she lightly tapped one of Reborn’s curly sideburns, something he would’ve never let her do if he was awake. It bounced cutely and she had to cover her mouth to suppress another laugh. 

“You’ll be in good hands,” Sepira said, conjuring a card and placing it on their blanket. “Don’t give him too much trouble, alright? I’ll return soon with your siblings.” 

With that, she kissed each infant on the cheek with a smile. Why _didn’t_ she think of this before? Really, Kawahira was brilliant if he wasn’t so petty. Standing, Sepira called upon her magic again and vanished in a bright shower of light. 

She couldn’t _wait_ to see how the next few years would unfold.

* * *

“Hibari-san, did you get my email about Millefiore?” 

Tsuna waited for his boss to respond while the other man typed on his computer. 

“Yes,” Kyoya said. “Did y—” 

Tsuna smiled. “Already did. Your meeting with them is set for next Monday at 2 in the afternoon. They’ll be flying in from Italy over the weekend. Also, I got a call from Kokuyo again and they still want to meet with you about that petrochemical mess. What should I tell them?” 

Kyoya scowled, which was now a permanent expression on his face. Pity since Tsuna thought he was a handsome man—well, when had Kyoya ever smiled before? Also, he never liked it when anyone interrupted him, but Tsuna couldn’t help it. He was always five steps ahead of him and liked to think that they were on the same wavelength, which went way back to middle school. 

“Tell them no.” 

Tsuna nodded. “Okay, but they’ll keep calling.” 

“Then make them stop calling, usagi.” 

Tsuna huffed at the nickname. He had complained countless times before and all he got was a good beating instead. 

“Alright then. Well, that’s everything for today. Is there anything else you need?”

Kyoya was already looking back at his computer. “No.” 

“Okay. Good night, Kyoya! Don’t overwork too much. Text me if you need anything.” 

Tsuna closed the door before Kyoya could snarl at him for calling him by his first name. Humming to himself, Tsuna practically skipped back to his own office, which was next to Kyoya’s. Today was a rare day when he’d actually leave on time at 5:30. Really, if Kyoya wasn’t such a perfectionist _and_ a workaholic, Tsuna could always go home early, eat a nice home-cooked meal, and catch up on some TV shows like a normal person. 

But Tsuna was really grateful that he even had a job for someone like him, even though he was initially iffy about working for his best friend (cronyism was never a good thing in Tsuna’s book). He was terrible in school and thought about going straight into the workforce after graduating high school instead of university. Honestly, he only survived that long because Kyoya was ruthless—both on school policy and on his poor grades. Still, Kyoya was a stubborn ass and insisted that Tsuna needed to be his personal secretary despite his very scarce resume.

“Only you can do it, usagi,” he had said. 

That was probably the closest thing Tsuna would hear that Hibari wholeheartedly trusted him. It was pretty heartwarming until Hibari threatened to bite him to death if he didn’t stop crying and demanded him to cook him hamburger steak, which Tsuna did happily after. 

He opened his office door and closed the blinds. His desk was clean and devoid of any evil paperwork, which he had finished earlier that morning. All of his pens were where they should be with post-its decorating his desk in a colorful array of reminders and notes. With a mental pat on the back, Tsuna packed his laptop in his bag and dashed out of the office, locking his door behind him. 

He bid some remaining workers good night as he headed towards the elevator. The Hibari Inc. was one of the most successful trade companies in Japan, which was pretty impressive since Hibari was only 22. Still, he managed to show his strong capabilities fairly quickly. 

Even though the company’s main branch was in Tokyo, Hibari always made time on the weekends to visit Namimori, their hometown. Tsuna would follow him if there wasn’t too much to do and they’d part ways until Sunday afternoon when they’d fly back to Tokyo.

It was a miracle that Kyoya even left for Japan’s capital in the first place. His parents had secretly met—No, they _ambushed_ Tsuna on the way home one day, shoved him in their limo, and beg— _asked_ him to talk to Kyoya about taking over the company. They were nice people, but they were just as emotionally constipated like their son. 

In short, Tsuna had gotten fed up at being the messenger for both sides and just left for Kokuyo for weeks to let them deal with their issues. He didn’t even last two days until Kyoya found him, bit him to death, and dragged him back to Namimori before offering him his current position over a family dinner with his parents and Tsuna’s mother. Sly bastard.

When he left the company building, Tsuna hailed a cab. After giving the driver his address, he made himself comfortable and browsed through his phone. Stocks were looking good for some companies—Tsuna beamed when he saw Hibari Inc. on top of the list—and there didn’t seem to be another solar eclipse tonight; but then again, the predictions always bit the meteorologists in the ass later. 

It was more than bizarre when seven solar eclipses occurred last week and it pretty much scared the shit out of everyone. Religious nuts said it was a sign that God was furious at them while others suggested it had something to do with aliens, an impending apocalypse, and a bunch of other weird stuff.

Still, the world was doing alright so far so Tsuna didn’t worry too much. He had other things to worry about. 

When the cab pulled up in front of his apartment, he paid the taxi driver, bidding him good night. His residence was a nice place—it wasn’t too fancy or anything, but it was just cozy enough to call it his second home. His salary was enough to pay the rent and for him to get by; plus, he was pretty frugal so money wasn’t much of an issue. 

Yawning, Tsuna pressed the elevator button for his floor. He leaned on the railway and closed his eyes. Soft bossa nova played through the speakers, making him relax. Should he cook _tonkatsu_ tonight? Maybe pasta? He hadn’t eaten pasta in a while. He did have some chicken left and some basil, too. Perfect. 

Humming a small tune, he left the elevator and smiled when he saw that the hallways were empty. The apartment was usually quiet at night and his neighbors were rarely nosey, which he appreciated. His dress shoes clacked softly in the wide corridors. He could clearly see the clogged Tokyo streets below and the bright city lights illuminating the darkening sky. His lips twitched into another smile at the thought of another solar eclipse, but he brushed the thought away for the sake of his own sanity. Best not to mix himself with the lunatics.

He took out his keys after he turned the corner. When he looked up, he froze. His mind briefly shut down for three solid seconds. 

“Wha…?”

A large basket rested in front of his door. It looked hand-woven, and was covered with a white cover, obscuring its content. Tsuna blinked a couple of times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. Was it…a package? If it was, then it was a really weird one, and he was pretty sure the coffee machine he ordered did not…come in a _basket_. Plus, he had ordered it that afternoon from his work computer, so…? 

When he approached the basket, he kicked it tentatively and tensed. No crazy dog, no jumping piranhas, no scary hands creeping out—yeah, Tsuna could be paranoid but this was a good sign, right? He gently kicked it again just to make sure. The basket rocked from the motion before stopping. Nothing. 

He chuckled nervously. “Wow, Tsuna, get your shit together. This is probably just nothing.” 

Crouching, Tsuna slowly peeled the cover back. His heart thumped hard against his chest, his fingers tingling from the soft fabric. Oh, wow, that was expensive silk. Maybe a secret admirer? Tsuna mentally scoffed. Yeah right, in his dreams. 

He held his breath when he finally pulled the cover away.

He stiffened. His eyes slowly grew wide and he could barely breathe. Holy…shit. 

Inside the basket were two newborn infants. One had thin curly sideburns and the other didn’t. Both were sleeping soundly, their breaths even and soft. A small white card rested on top of their blue blanket, the golden calligraphy elegant and pristine: Reborn and Bermuda. 

Tsuna said the only intelligent thing that came to mind. 

“What the _fuck_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Notes and Fun Facts  
> 1) Mediterranean hurricanes are rare meteorological phenomena. Since the Mediterranean region's pretty dry, tropical and subtropical cyclones are really uncommon.  
> 2) Solar eclipses are not as rare as you might think. It happens approximately once every 18 months (on average), so twice every three years. But it’s different when it comes to how often a total eclipse is visible from a specific location on earth.  
> 3) The Arcobaleno was technically created on the same day but at roughly different times, but not that far off. They’re just really nitpicky shits, haha.  
> 4) Reborn and Bermuda are twins—governing the sun and moon, respectively—and considered the eldest since the light and darkness were created first.  
> 5) Fon was created next to bring in the storms and wind that shaped the earth; Lal Mirch to conjure fire for the world and mankind; Colonello to raise the seas and bring in rain; Verde to teach man how to take care of the earth; Viper to spread the stars in the sky and bring fortune to those who deserve it; and Skull to deliver the dead.  
> 6) Lal Mirch and Colonello are the second set of twins and polar opposites as well—fire and water.  
> 7) Sepira can see the future but cannot explicitly tell anyone; however, she does her best to lead them on the best path.  
> 8) The curse is similar to canon. The Arcobaleno is rendered useless in mortal bodies and they will age like humans do, but unconventionally. They will keep their minds intact too, being perfectly aware of everything around them; they just can’t do anything about it since they’re puny babies, ahaha. (Doesn’t mean they won’t try though.)  
> 9) Tsuna is 21 and Hibari is 23. They’re an odd pair of best friends, haha.  
> 10) Sepira is a low-key troll (and an OP goddess).  
> 11) Luce…has a role… :^)
> 
> Technically, the Arcobaleno are gods…and will eventually return to their original forms…and Tsuna is legal… so it works out. :^D


	2. Chapter 2

_“I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.”_ – Buddha

* * *

 

“What the _fuck_?” 

Tsuna quickly covered his mouth. He flinched when one of the infants stirred before going back to sleep again. His blood rushed in his ears. 

Oh, God—what the fuck? What the actual _fuck_? Why were there babies on his doorstep? Was there a one-night stand he didn’t know about? No way in hell because he was still a vi—Erm, his dating life was practically nonexistent and he drank responsibly. Was this a prank? Was one of his neighbors high or something? Did Kyoya pull this? 

Tsuna paused. 

Kyoya hated children and wouldn’t go near one with a 100-foot pole. Maybe he made Tetsuya deliver them, but this was just…not very Kyoya-like. Besides, Tsuna rarely messed with him anymore. Well, there was that one time on New Year’s when he maybe, not really, kind of spiked Kyoya’s drink with some laxatives…? Pouting, he remembered the brutal beating he got when Kyoya found out. Really, his friend should learn to chill and take a breather, but then again when did he ever do something fun? (Though, laxative-spiked drinks were never fun in the first place.) 

Anyways, Kyoya wasn’t behind this. He just didn’t do _subtle_. 

Tsuna wracked his malfunctioning brain again to think of something, _anything_ , to find some semblance of logic behind this—whatever _this_ was. Never mind the goddamn solar eclipses—why was there a basket of babies _in front of his door_? Who in their right mind would just drop their kids on a stranger’s doorstep? What if he was a child-eating cannibal or some freaky pedophile? (He wasn’t either of them—Hell, no. His mother didn’t raise some scum. In fact, he loved kids, but that wasn’t the point.) 

He picked up the small card with a shaking hand and read the names again: Reborn and Bermuda. Were they _foreigners_? Whoever the parents were, Tsuna was going to tear them apart and make sure they never had kids again. For one, they just abandoned them like this—who the hell did that? Second, _why_ _him_? Third, why were their babies on his _goddamn doorstep_? 

Tsuna looked around the empty hallways again to search for a glimpse, a _sign_ , of the babies’ parents. Maybe he could catch them before they left? Surely this must be a mistake or some messed-up prank. However, he had a sinking feeling that they were long gone. 

“Oh, God,” he whispered, running a hand through his hair. “What the fuck?”

There was nothing else for him to say. 

“Oh, God. What the fuck? This—This is—Oh, God.” 

Tsuna stared at the sleeping infants who were definitely unaware of their fucked-up predicament. He groaned into his hands. Okay, freaking out wasn’t going to make the babies disappear or have him forget this ever happened. He honestly didn’t know which option was better. He just had to calm down and think—yeah, think on why there were _babies_ dropped in front of his _door_ because this was something he just couldn’t _fucking_ understand.

Glancing at the card, Tsuna turned it over; his jaw clenched when he saw the words written behind it: “You have my blessings.” There was an elegant “S” signed underneath it, which didn’t do anything to calm him down no matter how nice the calligraphy was. In fact, it made him _angrier_. Oh, hell no. He was _not_ going to take care of these babies. And who the hell was “S”? Disappointedly, he knew no one whose name started with an “S” other than some clients of Hibari Inc. 

He narrowed his eyes. Was it one of the clients then? That wouldn’t make sense though since the only one who would actually pull this off was Rokudo Mukuro, the head of Kokuyo Corp—but he was more of a “business obstacle” than anything. However, Mukuro didn’t know where he lived…right? 

“I hope you burn in hell,” Tsuna muttered, crumpling the card in his hand. 

He sighed. The infants continued to sleep peacefully throughout his whole mental breakdown, which he was kind of glad for because he didn’t think he’d be able to do anything useful if they woke up and started crying. Plus, the neighbors would definitely get suspicious. 

Tsuna suddenly reached out and lightly tapped one of the baby’s—Reborn?—curly sideburns. A giggle slipped past his lips when the curl bounced cutely under his fingertip. The baby didn’t stir once, but Tsuna had a vague feeling that he wouldn’t appreciate what he just did if he was awake. 

“Well, you’re both awfully cute,” Tsuna mumbled. “Who the hell would want to abandon you two anyway?” He glanced at the baby with curly sideburns. “I’m going to assume you’re Reborn, and you’re Bermuda. Your names are…really weird, no offense. I don’t think I want to meet your parents or whoever this ‘S’ is any time soon. I’d probably kill them.” 

Sighing, he stood up and grimaced when he stretched out his numb legs. After he unlocked his door, he carefully picked up the basket and carried it inside. He’d try to think properly when he was inside. His neighbors would probably report him if they saw him like this and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with any more headaches. Plus, he couldn’t just _leave_ the babies out there. 

Well…he could put them in front of someone else’s door and let them handle it. Problem solved. He shook his head. That was dumb, and didn’t make him any better than this “S” person and he refused to be lumped in with the lunatic. 

His apartment was spacious with a large kitchen and a nice view of the Tokyo city lights. Long drapes covered half the windows, letting some moonlight stream over the modern furniture. There was a master bedroom and another room for random storage. The bathroom was next to the spare room and some couches were arranged in the living room around a TV. It was a cozy space if anything. 

Tsuna turned on the lights after slipping on his home slippers. He hesitated for a moment before placing the basket on one of his beige couches. Running a hand through his hair, he stared at the sleeping infants for a moment before shuffling inside his bedroom to change into some comfortable shirt and sweatpants. 

Tsuna scratched the back of his head when he returned to the living room. How should he do this?

He could call social services. But they’d probably be more suspicious of him than the fact that some crazy-ass parents abandoned their babies on his doorstep. The basket being outside his door was…specific when he thought about it, and this “S” person wrote on the card like they were writing _to_ him, which was really, really creepy now that he thought about it. 

Well, he could call Kyoya… 

Yeah, nope. Why did he even think that?

Tsuna slumped on the couch and peered inside the basket. The twins were still asleep. He was kind of relieved that they weren’t loud or fussy at least. Small miracles did exist. Unlocking his phone, he mindlessly scrolled through his contacts list. Oh, wait.

“Why didn’t I think of that?” he said, dialing a number. He glanced at the sleeping infants. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you two—hopefully anyways. We’ll get this sorted out.” He sighed. “What am I even doing?” 

The line rang twice before his mother picked up. “Tsu-kun! Are you out of work early today?” 

Tsuna relaxed at the sound of her voice. “Yeah. How are you, Mama? Am I bothering you?” 

“Oh, no! I was only cleaning the house.” Nana sighed. “It’s so lonely without you here.” 

Tsuna laughed. “I just saw you last weekend.” 

He could sense his mother pouting on the other line. “But you leave so quickly it’s like you were never there!” 

Tsuna couldn’t help but smile. “Geez, Mama, you’re so sappy.”

Nana giggled. “It’s called love, Tsu-kun. Oh, when you come this weekend, you should invite Kyo-kun for dinner!” 

Tsuna absentmindedly tucked Bermuda’s hand under the blanket. He’d have to get them some clothes soon. They were probably buck naked underneath. “I don’t think I can make it this weekend, Mama. Something…came up.” 

“Is everything alright? Is Kyo-kun working you hard again?” Nana huffed. “That boy needs to learn to never get in the way of our bonding time.” 

Chuckling, Tsuna poked Reborn’s chubby cheek. “No, Kyoya isn’t working me that hard. But he needs to know when to take a break. It’s just… How should I say this? Um…” 

“You can tell me anything, Tsu-kun.” 

Tsuna sighed. “Yeah, I know. Just don’t freak out, okay?” He chewed on his lip. “I…found a basket of babies on my doorstep…” 

“Ah…” 

“Yup…” 

There was a brief moment of silence until his mother spoke again, “Go on, Tsu-kun.” 

“Right so, I found a basket of babies on my doorstep.” 

“Yes, you said that already.”

A beat of silence. 

“God, I found a basket of _babies_ on my doorstep.” 

“Tsu-kun, focus. Take a deep breath and let it out. Good.” 

Massaging the bridge of his nose, Tsuna took a moment to collect himself. “I don’t know what to do, Mama. I was thinking of calling social services but, it just doesn’t feel right. I can’t really explain it. And the person that left them here—I feel like they did it on _purpose_.” His voice grew a bit higher. “I just don’t know what to do because—gah! I found a basket of babies on my doorstep, Mama!”

“Okay, Tsu-kun, listen to me very carefully.” Nana’s soothing voice calmed him down a little bit. “What does your instincts tell you?” 

“Not very good things…” 

“Tsu-kun.”

Tsuna sighed. “I don’t know—keep them?” 

His uncanny intuition tended to guide him in the “right” direction under the most unfortunate situations—this happened to be one of them. Goddamn it. 

“Okay. If someone left them there, then it means you were chosen for a reason.” Nana giggled. “With all the strange things going on in the world, this is quite normal! Why, it’s like fate.” 

Tsuna deadpanned. “Mama.”

“Right, right. Well, you could always try to find their parents.” 

Tsuna grimaced. “I don’t know. I mean, would you want to find the people who intentionally abandoned them in the first place? I’d probably strangle them.” 

Nana hummed to herself. “I suppose.” She sighed. “Well, one person’s burden is another person’s treasure right, Tsu-kun?” 

“Um, I don’t know about that…” 

“Oh! If you’re taking care of them, there are some things you should know. You’ll learn how to distinguish their crying soon and also…”

Tsuna scrambled to find a notepad and write down every word his mother said. The dread that coiled in his stomach came from the fact that his seemingly normal life was probably going to go down to shit after today and _not_ from the dozen pages of notes he wrote (both front and back). The fact that his mother made him promise to send him pictures and visit with them soon only solidified what was only one of the few sane moments he had left. 

“Don’t worry, Tsu-kun! You’re wonderful with children! You’ll be a natural at this.”

The dread intensified, making Tsuna feel nauseous. Glancing at the sleeping infants, he wasn’t so sure. Call it his gut instinct.

* * *

Bermuda was never a troublemaker. 

Well, “never” was a strong word but he digressed. Either way, he stayed out of everyone’s business and they stayed out of his with Reborn being the exception—honestly, Reborn was an exception to everything. 

Bermuda didn’t quite understand why his brother antagonized him the most. There was nothing funny about his appearance—they were all attractive by mortal standards—and he never did anything to _wrong_ Reborn. Was it perhaps how different their domains were? But Reborn wasn’t the typical image of a sun god while Bermuda was the perfect image of a moon god. 

In the end, he attributed Reborn’s dislike as some kind of “sibling rivalry” as the mortals had coined the term, which still never made sense to him and probably never would. 

He still didn’t understand why _he_ had to be roped in Kawahira’s punishment. Granted, he had taken Reborn and Fon hostage in his chains, but that was something Kawahira should have praised him for— _not_ whatever this was.

Oh, Bermuda wasn’t stupid. He knew Kawahira would eventually snap at some point—his siblings can be absolutely insufferable, especially Reborn who caused 99% of the chaos in the house. While Kawahira’s patience was admirable, Bermuda still seethed when he was forced into an uncomfortable, lethargic state so abruptly. 

On one hand, he was briefly reminded (and amazed) at how powerful Kawahira was, but on the other hand, he was furious for being dragged into this when he didn’t _do_ anything. All he did was take his usual morning nap and those intolerable cretins woke him up, which was absolutely forbidden, just like it was to never touch Reborn’s espresso supply or eat anything Viper labeled before he fined you with an exorbitant amount of money. 

Rules were never taken seriously in their household, sadly, and they were stuck in some kind of headache-inducing cycle of constant violence and petty revenge. Honestly, Bermuda was tired of it and he _liked_ the details of Kawahira’s curse if _he wasn’t forced into it either._  

He didn’t know how much time had passed but he was hoping that he’d get out of this state sooner or later. Frankly, he vowed that as soon as he woke up that Kawahira would never see daylight again for the next _centuries_. That was, if he got to him before his siblings.

Suddenly, there was a slight shift in the empty black space. Ah, he was finally waking. He stretched to reach that small sliver of light, the illusion of his non-corporeal body slowly but gradually growing lighter in his sea of dark slumber. A strange sensation rippled through him as if he was finally settling down.

Bermuda barely had the time to adjust when his eyes fluttered open. He grimaced as bright light assaulted his vision. Why were his eyes so sensitive? The cacophony of noises around him was suddenly much louder than they seemed. He could hear a coffee machine whirring to his…left? Right? He wasn’t sure. There was also something next to him, if he wasn’t mistaken. Soft fabric was wrapped around his body, which he realized was small—very small. 

_“You are to be cursed in human bodies_ _as infants with nothing more than your own conscience. You will have no access to your magic or affinities until the curse is complete.”_

A dull but terrible pang suddenly rippled through Bermuda’s stomach; to his horror, his throat _burned_ with the need to _cry_. Bermuda _never_ cried. He was a _god_ who governed the moon and the night; the language of shadows was deeply entrenched in his blood. That was _Skull’s_ job. 

Before he could stop himself, frantic, wailing cries slipped past his lips. His confusion grew with his abhorrent crying. Even to himself, he sounded inhuman, annoying him more than he would ever admit. 

There was a rush of distant footsteps that was mostly mute in his ears—why couldn’t he stop _crying_? The pang in his stomach never went away, and that was when he realized that he was experiencing _hunger_ , something neither of the gods ever experienced. Sustenance was merely a commodity and something they indulged in occasionally, but wholly unneeded. 

Kawahira was never leaving his torture chambers, Bermuda vowed. And Sepira won’t sway him because she was just as guilty as he was. 

A blurry figure soon came into view. Bermuda couldn’t distinguish the colors or really focus on the figure through his meddlesome tears. He was suddenly lifted into warm hands, the physical touch somewhat unsettling. Yet it was still oddly nice, much to his chagrin. Something firm and smooth pressed against his mouth and, again, to his horror, he immediately latched onto it, sucking on the strange material as if his life depended on it. 

A strange liquid soon trailed down his throat. It reminded him of milk but…it wasn’t. Either way, it was wretched, but satisfied the pangs in his stomach. 

This was absolutely mortifying. 

Kawahira was never going to leave his _sights_. 

A gentle thumb caressed Bermuda’s cheeks, wiping away his tears. “Ah, you’re drinking pretty well. That’s good. Jesus, didn’t your parents feed you when you came out?” 

Bermuda struggled to focus through his daze on the blurry figure in front of him. His eyes—mortal baby eyes, he might add—were completely useless. It was a…man. Young, most likely in his early twenties; his voice was a little mature yet soft. He briefly wondered if Sepira had taken on the visage of a young man, but discarded the idea. She rarely ever intervened in these kinds of situations.

The fact the man was Japanese didn’t help either—Kawahira was fond of Japanese customs and dishes.

“You must be Bermuda,” the man said. “I’m Tsuna.” He chuckled sheepishly. “Funny story: I found you and Reborn in front of my door. I nearly lost my sh— _mind_. Yeah, mind. This is just…really weird, I’m sure, for all of us. I kind of want to find the person who left you here, but I’d probably ki— _strangle_ them.” He paused. “I really shouldn’t be saying these things in front of you.”

Bermuda tried to piece together what Tsuna said. Sepira must’ve brought them here on purpose because that woman never did anything _without_ purpose. So, the soft mass of flesh next to him was Reborn. Wonderful. A small part of Bermuda was sadistically looking forward to his brother’s reaction to his predicament. He vaguely wondered where his other siblings were, but was content with the idea that they were suffering the same fate as him (he didn’t _do_ anything wrong—damn you, Kawahira). 

“Ah, you’re done.” 

Bermuda was both relieved and upset when the baby bottle left his lips. Also, upset that he was upset in the first place. This body was working completely against his mind. Kawahira would die by his hands. 

“I have to thank Kurokawa-san ten times over when I see her next time.” 

While Tsuna hummed to himself, Bermuda tried to look around for a better grasp of his surroundings. All he saw was a blurry mess of gray, beige, and some green. The urge to wreak havoc with his chains was strong, but useless when he realized that he couldn’t call on them. 

Kawahira had really outdone himself. He was still dead to him though. 

“Ah, are you cold?” 

Bermuda blinked when Tsuna wrapped his warm blanket much more securely around him. Resting on the crook of the man’s arm, the infant god realized how…strangely comfortable it was. He mentally shook his head. This was a challenge that he would _not_ succumb to. If this man had anything to do with the curse or not, it didn’t matter. 

His vengeance did not discriminate and showed no bounds. 

And yet, he found himself slowly drifting back to slumber with the sound of keyboards clacking softly in the background…

* * *

Everything was just dull to him. 

Reborn had struggled against the powerful magic that Kawahira cast on him, but he was forced to realize that it was useless. The much older being really outdid himself this time, he thought with a snarl. He was going to _kill_ him; hunt him down like the swine he was and tear him to shreds. 

Of course, Reborn wasn’t ignorant to the fact that he caused 99% of the mess in their household, or the fact that Kawahira would snap sooner or later. Frankly, it shouldn’t have taken so long. He had underestimated the man’s patience. Reborn might be the sun god, but he was also the incarnate of chaos. He _thrived_ on it—siblings be damned, they were going to suffer anyways because Reborn did things his own way. 

However, one thing he never accepted was failure—and he failed to avoid the curse Kawahira placed on them.

Never mind the fact that they probably deserved it—Reborn _gave,_ never _took._

For a moment, he wondered how much longer it’d take until he returned to his senses. A part of him was eager to get his hands on Kawahira while another part of him was waiting for him to just _wake up_. 

Finally— _finally—_ a sliver of light broke through the inky darkness and Reborn reached out to it immediately, latching onto the source of his own entity. However, he felt nothing resonate with his corporeal form.

Snapping his eyes open, Reborn blinked to adjust to his dim—much too dim—surroundings. He tried to get accustomed to his foreign environment, but his senses were tremendously sensitive and his movements were constricted by a firmly wrapped, very warm and comfy blanket. Still, he tried to move the best he could before realizing how…small his body was. 

_“You are to be cursed in human bodies_ _as infants with nothing more than your own conscience. You will have no access to your magic or affinities until the curse is complete.”_  

Mentally snarling, Reborn immediately opened his mouth and wailed. He internally cringed—Reborn didn’t _cry_ or _wail_ or _shriek_ —but at this point, he was hoping it’d kill some people now if it could. Shrieking, he tried kicking against his warm confines, but his body wasn’t moving the way he wanted it to. 

Kawahira was going to _die_ , he vowed. 

“Shit,” a groggy voice said.

Reborn paused. There was…another person here? He also spoke Japanese. Kawahira liked Japanese culture. Someone else was going on his hit list. Going on the defense, Reborn struggled even more against his confines, wailing louder and louder. 

“Crap, I forgot to wake you. Shit.” Something grabbed a hold of Reborn and he thrashed against the gentle but firm hold. “God, _please_ stop moving. Here.”

Something smooth and firm pressed against his lips. Reborn internally hissed. Whatever it was, he _wasn’t_ going to open his mouth, no matter how much his body told him otherwise. The pangs in his stomach were largely ignored in favor of just screaming his head off. A sadistic part of him had no shame in this action—if it would get the person to back off, he was fine with it. It wasn’t his style, but if it was effective. It would do—for now. 

The stranger hushed him. “Shit, what am I doing wrong? Aren’t you hungry, Reborn?” 

The god mentally reeled. How did this person know his name? Who was he? Why was he here? Reborn just continued to shriek and cry, writhing uselessly in the stranger’s secure hold. Through his tears, he could barely make out the young man. Everything was too dark.

“Are you scared, Reborn?” 

Reborn made the mistake of stopping. Who _was_ this man?

The man laughed softly. “Was I right? Maa, you and Bermuda are pretty smart. It’s like you can understand what I’m saying. I’m sure you must be more familiar with seeing your mother’s face—well, if you ever saw her face at all.” 

The man rocked Reborn gently in his arms, the motion oddly soothing, much to the god’s distaste. He was also moving, but Reborn couldn’t tell where he was going. So, Bermuda was with him. Lovely. And he must’ve waken before him, too. If Reborn could, he’d throttle his brother. 

“Well, it’s weird. I found you and your brother in front of my door. I’ve been thinking about finding your parents too, but not too sure if I want to. I’d probably kil— _beat_ them up. But you’re both stuck with me for now. I’m Tsuna, by the way.” 

Reborn mentally scoffed. He didn’t care about the man’s name; he wanted to break this damn curse. Kawahira was _very_ thorough, Reborn would give him that much. 

There was a rustling of curtains beside him; the sound, though faint, bothered Reborn’s sensitive eardrums. A sliver of moonlight streamed through the large windows and Reborn couldn’t help but stare at the vast expanse of tall, blurry buildings and fuzzy array of colors.

“This is Tokyo,” Tsuna said quietly. “I wonder where you came from. Hopefully not too far though you do look European. Maybe…Italian?” 

Reborn peered up to get a better look of the young man. Tsuna’s face was blurry, but the god could make out brown hair and a soft face. All he could think was, “Pathetic.” 

“I wonder why your parents left you. You’re both pretty cute; I don’t know if anyone would have the heart to leave you.” 

When Reborn returned to his original form, he was going to shoot Tsuna into oblivion and throw him into the sun. No one called Reborn _cute_. He was _hot_ , _gorgeous_ , _handsome_ —not _cute_. 

“I wonder which one of you is older.” 

Reborn mentally sneered. Of course it was him, no matter how many times Bermuda insisted they were born at the same time—semantics. Tsuna closed the curtains and walked away; the sound of his home slippers was soft in the peace of his home. Reborn mentally berated himself for not taking the time to observe his surroundings, but then again, he was a fucking human infant, the epitome of uselessness. 

It was at that moment, he realized how _inept_ he was—and that pissed him off even more.

He hoped that Tsuna noticed the scathing look on his face—well, he hoped it looked like that since he was a _useless_ infant.

With a silent, sadistic purr, Reborn vowed that he was going to make Tsuna’s life a living hell. He might as well enjoy this for what it was worth. For now, Tsuna will be the unfortunate substitute for Kawahira.

Reborn had to vent somehow.

* * *

Tsuna was convinced that Reborn was a baby from hell, Satan’s incarnate, a devil in disguise—everything that was unholy because the goddamn little shit wouldn’t shut the fuck up _once_ all night. 

He should’ve expected this—raising newborns wasn’t easy and he sympathized with all the mothers in the world. But he had a feeling something was wrong when Reborn gave him a look after trying to calm him down. He didn’t even _know_ newborn infants could give people a look, but his guts told him that it definitely happened. 

By the crack of dawn, Reborn had wailed incessantly at random intervals, quickly closing his mouth before Tsuna could shove the baby bottle in the little shit’s mouth. He had a feeling—a very strong feeling—that Reborn was going to be the cause of his migraines in the future. 

Exhausted, Tsuna walked around his home for the millionth time trying to appease Reborn in any way possible. The baby didn’t even _sleep_. He’d look at Tsuna with unnervingly sharp eyes, which looked a bit golden-brown (or yellow, which would cement his demon status), and just _stare_. Tsuna’s arms numbed from carrying Reborn the whole night and he wasn’t lying when he thought about chucking the baby out the window on multiple occasions. 

A small coo caught Tsuna’s attention when he rounded the sofa. Shit, Bermuda was up. Tsuna walked towards the couch—he had ordered a large crib because they were _not_ sleeping in a basket forever—and grabbed Bermuda’s bottle from the table. The quieter and _much_ more behaved twin watched him quietly as he guided the bottle to the baby’s lips. 

Bermuda hesitated before latching onto the bottle’s tip. 

“You know what,” Tsuna muttered, “I’m convinced that Bermuda’s the older one. He’s less of hassle than you, Reborn. Even if he isn’t, he’s the oldest in my book.”

Bermuda glanced at him then and Tsuna realized how his eyes looked more silver than gray, like moonlight. As if to _punish_ him for what he just said—yes, punish—Reborn started to wail again. Tsuna grimaced. 

Thank God, the walls were soundproofed.

Tsuna’s jaw clenched. “Reborn, I don’t want to be a baby-killer but you’re really pushing it and I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in jail.” 

The little shit just continued crying. Even Bermuda looked a tinge annoyed at his brother’s behavior. Tsuna never knew that infants could be so…expressive. Maybe it was from the lack of sleep—yeah, he hadn’t slept a wink either. Fuck. 

“I’m going to _burn_ you _alive_.” 

Tsuna pursed his lips when Reborn managed to tug some of his hair. Bermuda let go of the bottle and stared at him for an unnerving second before looking at Reborn with…amusement? Contempt? Okay, Tsuna needed to sleep for a week, Kyoya and his work be damned. 

Oh, shit. 

He had work today. 

Cursing under his breath, Tsuna took away Bermuda’s bottle before grabbing Reborn’s and shoving it in the wailing baby’s mouth. He grinned at the stunned (and murderous) look on Reborn’s face. 

“I may be a wuss, but I’m not _stupid_ ,” he said, ignoring his gut telling him that he shouldn’t provoke the newborn. 

Either way, it got Reborn to shut up, even if he refused to drink the formula (Hana was going to be treated like a _queen_ forever). Even Bermuda stared at Tsuna with inquisitive eyes. Tsuna didn’t care. Reborn was _quiet._ Tsuna checked the clock on the wall: 6:27 AM. Kyoya woke up at six for his morning tea and daily jog, which was to never be disturbed. 

Tsuna didn’t give a shit anymore.

Speed-dialing Kyoya’s number, he placed his phone in-between his cheek and shoulder so he could hold Reborn’s bottle. The little shit _still_ wasn’t drinking. Tsuna was leaving it there forever. 

Kyoya picked up on the fourth ring with a hiss, “Wha—”

“I am going to say this only once,” Tsuna deadpanned. “I’m not coming in for work. Yes, I’m using one of my infinite sick days today. No, I won’t say why because I’d like to keep my personal life separate from work. And if you try to refuse, I _will_ resign right now and move to Antarctica. Also, don’t send Tetsuya to check on me. I’m a grown man. I’m not going to Namimori this weekend either. Don’t worry—I’ll be working from home so just text me if you need anything. Ask Haru to call for takeout or something for lunch. You’ll live.” 

There was a beat of silence. Finally, Kyoya spoke, “You will come on Monday.” 

Tsuna grimaced. He didn’t think that far. “Miss me already, Kyoya?” 

“I won’t tolerate this forever, usagi.” 

With that, Kyoya hung up. Tsuna rolled his eyes. At least he was off the hook—for now. 

“Reborn, if you don’t drink the damn formula, I’m going to give it to Bermuda and you can starve.” 

Reborn just blinked, clearly unimpressed. Tsuna wondered how long it’d take for him to get caught if he tossed Reborn over the balcony.

Probably not long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Notes and Fun Facts  
> 1) Newborn infants can’t focus farther than 8 to 12 inches. They can detect light, shapes, and movement beyond that, but it’s mostly blurry.  
> 2) Breastmilk's the better option for newborns, but Tsuna has to go with formula, which apparently tastes disgusting according to some people.  
> 3) Tsuna's talking a lot around Reborn and Bermuda because it’s best for them to get associated with his voice. According to his mother (and research), a parent’s voice is the best “music” for newborns. Plus, touch is also important, lol.  
> 4) Reborn and Bermuda—anyone else think of the song “My mind is telling me no/But my body, my body’s telling me yes”? No? Just me? Okay… (Poor them, to have to succumb to something so pathetic as biological urges)  
> 5) When Tsuna is proving to be a natural at this… (cackles)


	3. Chapter 3

_“Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do it for him.”_ – Groucho Marx

* * *

Reborn was just fucking impossible. 

Every time Tsuna did something— _anything_ —the baby would just cry and scream and God, Tsuna was going to _strangle_ him in his sleep at some point. Strapping Reborn to his back and Bermuda to his chest with a long towel, he sighed when he glanced at the mirror. He looked like one of those old babysitting grandmas. 

“Reborn, stop _screaming_ ,” Tsuna said, shifting through the fridge. He exchanged some unimpressed looks with Bermuda. “I’m calling it—Bermuda, Reborn will get all your second-hand shi— _stuff._ He’ll have all the formula—just take it.” Reborn responded with another shriek. Tsuna banged his head against the fridge door. “Oh my God, I’m going to _kill_ you.” 

He placed the carton of eggs on the kitchen counter and checked his rice cooker. Eh, there was enough. After sprinkling some water over the leftover rice, Tsuna pressed the reheat. He was _starving_. 

“I couldn’t eat,” Tsuna said over Reborn’s wailing, “because I definitely didn’t expect _you_ at my door last night. Do you think I wanted this to happen? Reborn, _shut up_!” The infant continued to cry on his back and fuck, Tsuna _liked_ this shirt. “Bermuda, tell him to stop!” 

Bermuda regarded him as if he was an idiot before resuming his eerily serious inspection of the kitchen. Tsuna really didn’t know how newborn infants could be this expressive—maybe it was just him. Either way, Reborn was still crying and Bermuda was no help. Tsuna wanted to strangle something, particularly a baby with curly sideburns. 

He grabbed some vegetables from the fridge and carried them over to the chopping board. Maybe it was a bad idea to cut up some vegetables with a very sharp knife while carrying Satan’s incarnate on his back, but Tsuna would try to restrain himself—keyword: _try_. 

Reborn had some powerful lungs, goddamn it. Tsuna seriously wondered if he’d get arrested for “accidentally” burning an infant who had no parents to speak of at the moment. He roughly set down his mixed rice bowl on the table.

“Reborn, I’m not lying about killing you,” he said, grabbing the basket from the couch and placing it on the dining table. After unwrapping the towel around himself, he laid the twins inside, groaning. “Just _two_ minutes, please. Stop crying for _two_ minutes.” 

Reborn didn’t stop—of course, he didn’t—while Tsuna miserably ate his breakfast. He couldn’t even taste the food. Whenever he swallowed, his throat hurt and he eventually lost his appetite after the sixth bite. Devil—Reborn was the fucking devil. 

Wrapping his barely touched rice, Tsuna stored it in the fridge and grabbed Bermuda’s bottle. He didn’t even have the energy to scowl at Reborn anymore, who looked like he was fighting against his own slumber. The infant’s eyes fluttered as he struggled to stay awake. His cries reduced into incoherent babbles that made no sense to Tsuna’s ears, but they were better than him screaming. If he was in a better mood, he’d think it was cute but he wasn’t and he didn’t. 

Cradling Bermuda in his arms, Tsuna placed the baby bottle against his lips. Bermuda hesitated just like every other time Tsuna fed him—he didn’t blame him; the formula tasted _horrible_ —before tentatively sucking on the bottle. Tsuna sighed, heading towards the living room. His laptop was open on the coffee table with multiple browsers and tabs onscreen. 

Reborn started to cry again from the kitchen but it was much weaker now. Seriously? It took half a whole night for him to get tired? 

“You’re grounded for life!” Tsuna said, his brow twitching. “Bermuda and I will be _fine_ without you. Right, Bermuda? We’ll live the best life ever without him, I’m sure of it.” 

Bermuda seemed pretty content with that. Sighing, Tsuna ran a hand through his hair. Damn it, he wanted to take a shower. But first… 

“God, what am I supposed to do?” he said, bowing his head. Bermuda peered at him over his bottle, his silver-gray eyes far too inquisitive for a newborn to emote. Tsuna seriously didn’t know whether he was imagining things or not. “I can’t just take care of you like this. I don’t even know why this is happening. Your parents—I don’t know if I want to find them or _kill_ them.” He groaned. Reborn continued to cry in the background. Seriously, did that baby ever get tired? “I mean, do you want to go back to the people that just left you like this?” 

A chill ran down Tsuna’s spine when Bermuda more or less glared at him. How the hell was that even possible? Christ, Tsuna was definitely going insane. He chuckled sheepishly, taking away the now empty bottle. 

“Okay, so that’s a no…?” Tsuna placed the bottle to the side, adjusting Bermuda in a better position. The infant yawned. “Come on, Bermuda. You can sleep. I’ll wake you soon or vice-versa, whatever.” Tsuna pinched the bridge of his nose. “I keep thinking you can understand me but that’s just crazy. I’m stupid—God, I need _sleep_.” 

Bermuda just blinked while Tsuna made himself comfortable on the couch. 

“Come on,” he said, rocking a little. “You need to sleep…” 

Humming a soft lullaby his mother sang to him when he was little, Tsuna smiled when Bermuda soon surrendered to slumber.

* * *

“Can you just drink a _drop_?” 

Reborn blinked blearily, looking more like a grumpy cat than anything. He was clearly exhausted but his willpower somehow overrode his functions. Tsuna snorted. 

“This is your last chance before I let you starve. I’m being serious.”

Reborn didn’t utter a sound. He just stared at Tsuna with every ounce of hatred a baby could muster. Tsuna had to give him props though. It was getting there.

“Fine.” Tsuna adjusted Reborn in his arms as he sat down in front of his laptop. Bermuda snoozed in the basket next to him, perfectly asleep. “Bermuda’s an angel, you know? He’ll probably grow up bigger, better, and stronger than _you_. You know why? Because he fucking eats when he has to.” Tsuna rubbed his face. “I’m being serious. If you don’t eat, you’re just going to get sick and probably be weak for the rest of your life. It’s not like you’re super-baby or something.” He groaned. “I need to stop doing this. It’s not like you get what I’m saying. Forget it.” 

With the way things were going, Tsuna was tempted to find the twins’ parents. Actually, now that he thought about it, he could see why they left Reborn—he was Satan’s incarnate. Tsuna shook his head. Still, that was no reason to abandon their kids. Babies were loud, disgusting, and messy. Yeah, they could be cute but they were hell to take care of. Insert something about the beauties and tribulations of motherhood or whatever. 

Slumping, Tsuna browsed through multiple baby stores online. He had already ordered a crib, which should be arriving this afternoon—praise express delivery. Formula, baby bottles, blankets, diapers, pacifiers… 

A pathetic whimper escaped his lips. Was he actually doing this? Was he really going to take care of these babies? Oh God, no, he was way too young for this—what about his future? What about his dating life? How would he find a woman to date if he already had kids? How was he going to explain this? 

“My future,” he said quietly, sinking even further on the couch. “Just…out the window…” A small gurgle made him snap into attention. He quickly adjusted Reborn in his arms, smiling apologetically. “Sorry. Forgot I had you.” Reborn stared at him, clearly unimpressed. “Stop looking at me like that.” 

Tsuna scrolled down the page before clicking on the clothing section. A weird, random thought passed through his head. He smiled almost viciously when he saw several animal onesies. Well, they _did_ say that the best form of torture was humiliation. He could imagine dressing Reborn up in ridiculous clothes just for the hell of it.

He paused in his thought. Was he…actually thinking this right now? He looked down at Reborn in horror. “Oh my God, I think I’m actually going insane. You’re not real, right?” 

Reborn just blinked and Tsuna swore that the infant was thinking how much of an idiot he was. He should be terrified—actually, he already was. This just wasn’t _normal_. None of this was normal on any level whatsoever, but it was _happening_. 

Tsuna jumped a little when he felt a small tap on his chest. It was faint but Reborn definitely tapped him. Tilting his head, Tsuna said, “You need something?” 

Reborn gurgled with the most self-disgusted face Tsuna had ever seen on a baby.

“Sorry, but I don’t speak baby.” Tsuna stifled a snort when Reborn waved his tiny fists in the air as if he wanted to punch him. “Sucks, but you have a _long_ way to go.” He suddenly blinked. “Wait, are you… _hungry_?” Reborn huffed, which sounded more like a whimper. Tsuna’s lips slowly curled into a grin. “Oh, _now_ you want to play nice?” He grabbed Reborn’s bottle from the table and waved it in the air. “You want it? Then you’ll have to _behave_.” 

Reborn let out a small shriek and thrashed in Tsuna’s arms. Looking away, Tsuna just pretended to read the baby bottle’s measurements. “I don’t know. Looks like you’ll grow up puny then.” 

Holding food hostage from a baby was probably a crime but Tsuna was way beyond caring at this point. Tears suddenly welled up in Reborn’s eyes. Okay…maybe not. Fuck. 

Brow twitching, Tsuna pressed the bottle against Reborn’s lips. The infant hesitated for a brief second before taking it in. His tears strangely disappeared. Tsuna sighed. 

“You…” 

Reborn just drank his bottle without a care in the world, ignoring Tsuna altogether. Rubbing his eyes, Tsuna returned to his laptop while grumbling curses under his breath. He swore—he _hoped_ —that Reborn grew up to be some ugly thing or whatever just out of spite. It should also be illegal for babies to be so cu—No, _manipulative_. 

He tensed when someone knocked on his door. For a moment, he didn’t move. These walls were fucking _soundproof_. Who the hell…? Even Reborn paused in his drinking. Bermuda, thank God, didn’t stir from his sleep. Tsuna pursed his lips. Seriously though, who was at the door? Was it a neighbor? No, they were all out for work—his floor was filled with a bunch of workaholics and no one cared enough to really talk to each other. 

Another knock, more hesitant this time. 

Tsuna stood up before heading towards the door, keeping the bottle in Reborn’s mouth. Peering through the eyehole, he nearly squeaked when he saw the men outside. 

“K—Kyoya! What are you doing here?” 

“Open the door, usagi.” 

“You didn’t answer me!” Tsuna yelped when he almost dropped Reborn. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

“I won’t repeat myself.” 

“Tsunayoshi,” Tetsuya piped up, “I apologize on Kyo-sama’s behalf for arriving on such short notice.” 

“Apology not accepted! Just leave! I’m _fine_.”

There was a beat of silence that made Tsuna unconsciously shiver. Silence meant Kyoya was thinking and a thinking Kyoya wasn’t a nice Kyoya. 

“If you don’t open the door,” Kyoya said, “I will.” 

Meaning he’d break it down. Shit. 

“I _just_ replaced this door weeks ago!” Tsuna said, holding onto Reborn like a lifeline. “Just go away! I told you— _text_ me if you need anything! Not show up uninvited!” 

“I will give you three seconds.” 

“Tetsuya, make him go _away_!” 

“I’m sorry but I can’t do that. Kyo-sama insisted on coming here an—” 

“What good are you? Just drag him out or something! You’re the head of _security_!” 

“That is…very inappropriate and abuse of power.” 

“Oh, grow some balls. Christ, you’re _bigger_ than him. What can’t you do?” 

Tsuna yelped when Kyoya suddenly kicked the door. He immediately pulled Reborn closer to his chest; his whole body shook when Kyoya kicked again, much harder this time. Oh God, he could hear the hinges creaking. 

Everything came to a standstill when a small cry came from the living room. Tsuna’s breath hitched. Fuck, Bermuda was awake. 

“Great, you went and did it, Kyoya,” he mumbled under his breath. 

He checked on Reborn, who gazed at him as if saying how pathetic he looked cowering like this. Okay, Tsuna just needed to fucking sleep. Sighing, he turned to face the door. 

“What was that, usagi?” Kyoya said, breaking the silence. 

Bermuda whimpered from his basket like he was trying to restrain himself from crying. 

“If—If I let you in,” Tsuna said, “don’t do or say anything stupid.” 

“Open the door.” 

Tsuna rolled his eyes. “I _warned_ you.” 

Unlocking the door, he slowly turned the handle. He squeaked and stumbled to the ground when Kyoya shoved the door open. Gritting his teeth, Tsuna was helpless when the men stepped inside his home.

“Rude much?”

Kyoya regarded him indifferently before shifting his gaze to Reborn. He raised a brow. Tetsuya just blinked, then blinked some more. 

Tsuna deadpanned. “Take a picture—it’ll last longer.”

Sniffing almost haughtily, Reborn turned away from Kyoya and patted Tsuna’s chest. The brunet automatically pressed the bottle against his lips, which Reborn accepted with just a tad less disdain. Kyoya narrowed his eyes. 

“You…never told us you had a child, Tsunayoshi,” Tetsuya said. 

Tsuna scowled. “Shut up.” He brushed past Kyoya to the living room. Tsuna laid Reborn down in the basket before picking Bermuda up. “I’m sorry, Bermuda. Did I wake you?” He rocked the whimpering infant in his arms. “Was I too loud? Shh, everything’s okay now. I just had to take care of a crazy beast.” He glared at Kyoya. “A note for the future—don’t kick down my door like some psycho. Seriously, how many times do I have to tell you that?” 

Tetsuya coughed awkwardly into his fist. “Again, I apologize on Kyo-sama’s beh—” 

“You’re the head of security, not his PA. I don’t want to hear it.” Tsuna brushed a strand of Bermuda’s hair from his pinched face. “It’s okay, Bermuda. We’ll be quiet. Go back to sleep. You’re going to get wrinkles if you keep up like that.” 

Bermuda’s face immediately smoothened out as if he was terrified at the thought of having wrinkles. Tsuna would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so annoyed. He glanced at Kyoya who made himself comfortable in the kitchen. 

“Again, _what_ are you doing here, Kyoya? You have a meeting”—Tsuna looked at his clock—"in an hour.” 

“It was cancelled,” Tetsuya said. 

Tsuna raised a brow. “Shimon _cancelled_ on you?” He pursed his lips. “What did Kyoya do?” 

Kyoya huffed under his breath. “Get me tea, usagi.” 

“If you tried to fight Adelheid-san again, I swear to God, I’m going to _kill_ you. We _need_ this contract. Are you an idiot?” Tsuna ignored the way Kyoya narrowed his eyes. “Oh my God, I’m gone one day and you can’t even manage to get _anything_ right. Seriously? Wh—” 

“Tsunayoshi,” Tetsuya said. He tensed when Tsuna glared at him. “Ah, _they_ cancelled on us.” 

Tsuna blinked. “Wait, what?” 

“Maybe we should talk about this later. Kyo-sama actually came here to have lunch.” 

“ _Lunch_?” Tsuna would’ve strangled Kyoya if he wasn’t holding Bermuda, who faintly whimpered. Grimacing, Tsuna hushed the infant. “Sorry, sorry. It’s just hard to keep yourself in control when you’re surrounded by a bunch of idiots.” He groaned. “Why, Kyoya? Just, _why_?” 

“Hamburger steak.” 

Tsuna’s brow twitched. “Are you kidding me? I told you to let Haru call for takeout or something.” 

“I won’t repeat myself, usagi.” 

“…Tetsuya, I’m going to _kill_ you.” 

Tetsuya gaped. “What?” 

“Grow some balls and tell Kyoya ‘ _no_ ’ once in a while.” Tsuna rubbed his face, feeling even more dead on his feet. Someone just kill him instead. He didn’t sign up for this. “I’m—You—” 

He sighed in defeat. Bermuda yawned and wrinkled his nose cutely. He blinked drowsily as Tsuna laid him back in the basket. Patting the baby’s stomach, Tsuna narrowed his eyes when Reborn tried to hit Bermuda’s face.

“Reborn,” he said, “he’s your _brother_. Don’t do that.” 

Reborn blinked innocently. Tsuna realized then how much of a manipulative little shit he was. First the tears, now this. He made a mental note to keep him away from the TV in the future. 

“I understand that this isn’t the best time,” Tetsuya said.

Tsuna rolled his eyes while he picked up Reborn. “You don’t say.” 

“But Kyo-sama had insisted on coming here for lunch before resuming his schedule.” 

Tsuna grabbed the long towel from the couch and carefully strapped Reborn onto his back. Tying a secure knot, he headed towards the kitchen and opened the cabinets to take out some pasta. 

“Don’t even complain,” he said, shutting Kyoya up. “It takes nearly an hour to make hamburger steak and you know it. That paperwork isn’t going to disappear by itself, Kyoya. I _know_ you—I’m making pasta and you’re going to _eat_ it. Tetsuya, sit _down_.” 

Kyoya pursed his lips when Tsuna placed a cup of tea in front of him. “You talk too much, usagi.” 

“My house, my rules.” Tsuna poured some water in a pot and turned on the stove. He furrowed his brows when he caught Kyoya glaring at his back. Peeking over his shoulder, he saw Reborn staring back at his friend with an unimpressed stare—well, as unimpressed as an infant could look. “Stop looking at him like that, Kyoya.” 

Tetsuya frowned. “Still, you never said anything about children, Tsunayoshi.”

“They’re my cousin’s.” Tsuna grimaced when Reborn tugged his hair from behind. Sighing, he moved Reborn so he rested on his chest instead. “Yeah, yeah. Well, at least you’re not being a pain.” 

Kyoya narrowed his eyes. “You don’t have cousins.” 

“Cousin three times removed from my father’s side.” 

“You don’t _have_ cousins, usagi.” 

Tsuna rubbed his face with his hand. “Okay, I get it. Look”—he sighed—“I didn’t want to tell you. Honestly, I kind of hoped I got this over with by Monday but…” 

“You are not obligated to tell us anything, Tsunayoshi,” Tetsuya said. “However, know that we will support you with the best resources available.” 

“…You know I was kidding before right? I love you, Tetsuya.” 

Tetsuya smiled slightly. “No harm done. You look exhausted. Have you slept?” 

Tsuna grimaced. “No.” He glanced at Reborn who looked back blankly. “Funny story really—I found them outside my door when I came back from work last night. They’re not mine! Someone just left them there! I swear!” 

“That is…very strange.” 

Tsuna nodded vigorously. “It is! I don’t even know why anyone would abandon their babies like this—but on my _doorstep_? It just doesn’t make sense! Isn’t it weird that they left them out there like they _wanted_ me to find them?” 

“Well, it is very specific now that I think about it.” 

“And—And they even left a card! You know what they wrote? That I had their blessings! They _want_ me to take care of them! I don’t know how to take care of babies and I sure as hell am not raising someone else’s kids! But I thought about finding them and I _can’t_! I just don’t _want_ to! What if they abandon them on someone else’s doorsteps again? That’s not something I want!”

Tsuna paused to take a deep breath, his chest heaving. Slumping on his chair, he massaged his temples, which pulsed dully. He jumped when Tetsuya handed him a cup of water. He accepted it, nodding gratefully, and downed the whole thing within seconds. 

“Take a moment,” Tetsuya said gently. “If you’d like, I have connections in the police. I can try to find them in the system for you.” 

Tsuna looked at him with almost teary eyes. “Really? You’d do that for me?” 

“Of course. I’m not fond of parents abandoning their children either, Tsunayoshi.” 

Tsuna leapt from his seat to hug Tetsuya, who stiffened from the contact. “You’re the greatest, bestest friend ever, Tetsuya! God bless you! Kyoya, give him a raise.” 

“No,” Kyoya said, sipping his tea. “You look ridiculous, usagi.” 

Reborn voiced his discomfort by squirming and letting out muffled whimpers. Tsuna immediately let go of Tetsuya before checking on Reborn frantically. 

“Ah, I’m sorry, Reborn!” 

“Tsunayoshi, the pot!” 

“Shit!”

* * *

Bermuda hoped that the curse broke soon or else he was going to become insane. 

Between Reborn’s incessant crying—how his brother could still be insufferable even as an infant was maddening but not surprising—and his own heightened senses, Bermuda was ready to kill the next thing that even _moved_. 

He had only caught a glimpse of the guests that appeared in Tsuna’s home, but he already had the impression that this _Kyoya_ was an interesting mortal. How Tsuna knew such an untamed beast was a mystery. It only confirmed that Tsuna was not part of Kawahira or Sepira’s plans. Despite that, Bermuda was still wary. 

Tsuna…was an anomaly. Clearly the young man was more expressive than Kawahira would ever be, but he managed to tolerate Reborn’s ridiculous behavior—to an extent, of course. Still, that was…admirable in itself. (And Bermuda would disregard the fact that he might have been a little smug when Tsuna said that _he_ was the better twin.) 

However, there was one difference between him and Reborn—he was patient, very much so despite what others thought. Reborn embodied chaos and though he might be subtle on what he did—if raiding Colonello’s room with guns blazing was subtle; or when he installed large hammers in Skull’s room that kept the god up for _weeks_ —he was the sun god for a reason. 

By the time the curse broke, Bermuda would concoct a very thorough routine and subject Kawahira to some intensive sessions that involved much more chains and sharp objects than necessary. Perhaps he would have Jaeger, his nightmare deity, join in as well; but he wasn’t part of this punishment and Bermuda never liked sharing. 

Revenge was a dish best served cold as the mortals would say.

* * *

Being an infant might have its drawbacks, but the misery it brought to others was oh so delightfully worth it. 

Reborn might as well be lying if he said that Tsuna’s reactions weren’t amusing. The young man was evidently at his breaking point but somehow kept it together, which was, okay, a little impressive. It did get a tad annoying to hear himself screaming and wailing for hours, but they worked and Reborn didn’t ask for anything more. 

Until Tsuna threatened not to feed him. 

Mentally rolling his eyes, Reborn had thought nothing of it until Tsuna said that he’d grow weaker and smaller than Bermuda, which was unacceptable on every level. Of course, they were infants now— _mortal_ infants. They’d have to follow the constraints set on the human body, which only pissed off Reborn even more. 

He _wasn’t_ submitting defeat when he finally drank his formula, which was wretched. He vowed to drink every cup of espresso in the world to get that disgusting taste out of his system permanently; but that was when he was older. Infants couldn’t drink espresso and that was terrible in itself.

Oh no, Reborn had other things in mind. He was clearly stuck with Tsuna until the curse broke and with Tsuna being his… _caretaker_ , he’d have to plan things ten steps ahead. He’d drink the terrible formula if he had to—that was a small sacrifice he was willing to pay—but once he grew, he’d take his sweet time making Tsuna’s life a living hell till he saw Kawahira again. 

Either way, Tsuna was an interesting mortal, Reborn would give him that. His relationship with this Kyoya was certainly unexpected. It was quite amusing to see a grown man become irritated from _losing_ to a baby (a baby _god_ , but Reborn digressed). 

This might be a little bit better than Reborn expected. 

He was still going to shred Kawahira apart though.

* * *

Sometimes, Sepira forgot how beautiful the mortal realm could be. 

She breathed in the fresh air before exhaling slowly, her body relaxing from the serene air of Shunan Bamboo Forest. Walking through the vast and beautiful forest sea, she couldn’t help but take a little time to appreciate the tall bamboo trees around her. The soft light cast a radiant glow on the plants, making everything much more vivid. She wouldn’t mind staying around a little longer but there was a helpless infant to find and so much more. 

To her left, Sepira could hear the faint trickling of water. She nearly glided to the stream, her steps weightless on the earth beneath her. Peering through the green leaves and long branches, she smiled when she saw a basket floating down a steady stream. 

“Oh, Fon,” she said, floating above the water and picking up the basket. The god didn’t stir from his sleep. “Perhaps it might be a little biased if I said that I wished you weren’t involved in this.” Landing on a small bank nearby, Sepira cooed and tucked Fon’s small hand underneath his white blanket. “But I promise this will be worth it.” 

She closed her eyes before her surroundings shifted to a familiar Tokyo apartment. It was late afternoon and Tsunayoshi’s acquaintances had already left. 

_He’s doing well,_ Sepira thought happily. _As expected._  

Conjuring a card in her hand, she placed it on Fon’s blanket. “You’ll warm up to him soon, dear. Oh, and keep your brothers in line, alright?” Sepira giggled. “I’ll return soon.” 

She stood up then and disappeared in a shower of light. Time to find the next set of twins.

* * *

Tsuna somehow managed to sleep after Kyoya and Tetsuya left. 

Well, if waking up to Reborn and Bermuda’s cries on occasion was sleeping. He’d close his eyes for about an hour before one of them woke up from hunger or needing to change their diapers. 

Rubbing his eyes, Tsuna stumbled to his feet to heat up Bermuda’s formula again in the kitchen. He looked out the windows; the sun was setting in the horizon, coloring the sky dark orange and light violet. A strange feeling churned in his stomach after he bottled the formula and shook it. 

He paused when he passed his front door. It was quiet, almost too quiet. Bermuda fussed a little in the basket, snapping Tsuna back to reality. Returning to the couch, he shook his head. It was probably nothing. 

A few minutes passed while Bermuda sucked on his bottle. Tsuna nodded off a couple of times, but stayed awake for the most apart. When Bermuda finished, Tsuna hummed a soft lullaby to lull him back to sleep. It wouldn’t take long until Reborn woke up. 

Still, Tsuna’s guts churned when he laid Bermuda next to his brother. Before he knew it, he was already at the door and turning the handle. 

Peeking out into the hallways, Tsuna saw no one around until he looked down. He couldn’t stop himself from screaming and falling back onto his butt. 

“ _K—K—K—Kyoya_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Notes and Fun Facts  
> 1) Shunan Bamboo Forest is located in Yinbin, which is in the Sichuan District. It’s the oldest and biggest bamboo forest in China with 400 different types of bamboo.
> 
> Oh dear, Kyoya, talk about bad timing. You too, Sepira. Poor Tsuna…


	4. Chapter 4

" _For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."_ – Ralph Waldo Emerson

* * *

Kyoya—Oh God, it was fucking  _Kyoya_.

Before Tsuna absolutely  _lost_  his mind, Reborn started wailing behind him. He looked back and forth between his couch and baby Kyoya. Jesus fucking Christ, it was  _Kyoya_. He didn't want to know—well, actually he did but that wasn't the point. Throwing all caution to the wind, he grabbed baby Kyoya's basket and carried it inside before anyone came out to check what the hell was going on.

Locking the door behind him, Tsuna carried the basket and laid it on the sofa next to Reborn and Bermuda's. He lifted Reborn in his arms, hushing him gently, while he searched for the infant's bottle. Was it just him or was Reborn a little heavier? Tsuna was pretty sure babies didn't just gain weight overnight; but then again, he was barely functioning with little sleep and probably making things up in his head.

Still, when he pressed the bottle against Reborn's lips, he couldn't help but dumbly stare at baby Kyoya. Okay, Tsuna had  _seen_  Kyoya's baby pictures, courtesy to his overexcited parents, and this—this  _baby_ was fucking Kyoya. The short black hair, the chubby cheeks, hell, even the freakin'  _eyebrows_  looked the same. What were the goddamn odds?

"I swear," Tsuna mumbled, "if I'm dreaming, someone please wake me up."

When he checked the time, it was around 8. His stomach grumbled for food but there was baby Kyoya who had just appeared outside his door and he was still kind of freaking out. Reborn pushed the bottle away then, whimpering a bit. Tsuna patted his back as he shook the empty bottle. Babies ate a lot.

After he laid Reborn back down beside Bermuda, he glanced at baby Kyoya and immediately entered another existential crisis. Maybe it wasn't…Kyoya? He picked up the card from the red blankets and pursed his lips. Fon. Okay, but…

He gasped. Did Kyoya have some kind of fun without him knowing? Was Fon his illegitimate child? A way to get revenge? Ex-lover's quarrel gone bad? Some creepy, coincidental adoption sent to Tsuna to take care of his mess? Hell, did Kyoya even get  _drunk_? (The man couldn't drink for the life of him.)

Tsuna reached for his phone and dialed Tetsuya's number. It rang a few times before he realized that the other man could be busy, but this took absolute precedence over whatever he was doing. The company's reputations—no,  _Kyoya's_  reputation was at stake here. And if Kyoya's name went down the drain, he was going to drag Tsuna down with him, kicking and screaming.

Finally, before the phone reached voicemail, Tetsuya picked up. "Is there something you need, Tsunayoshi? I apologize but it'll have to wait. I'm—"

"Tetsuya, this is Code Black," Tsuna said. "Like,  _really_  black. So fucking black I can't even."

A bout of silence passed. Tetsuya soon mumbled his apologies to someone and Tsuna could hear him leaving the room, the door clicking shut softly in the background. "Explain."

Tsuna took a deep breath, ignoring Reborn's penetrating stare. Why did the baby look like he'd grow up to be an axe-murderer? Actually, an axe would be too crude. "I need you to be honest with me. Did Kyoya ever get hitched? And I'm being absolutely serious here. I'm not drunk."

Tetsuya inhaled sharply, and was silent for a moment. Tsuna slumped on the couch, careful not to wake the other sleeping babies. Reborn still stared at him and it was low-key freaking him out. These babies didn't seem normal now that he thought about it; actually, this whole situation wasn't normal. Kyoya was probably with him in baby form and there were  _no_  scientific explanations for  _that_. How was Tsuna going to tell Kyoya's parents? They'd either burn him at the stake or feed him to their dogs, all with a smile on their faces.

"What do you mean?" Tetsuya finally said.

Leaning forward, Tsuna sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. "I mean, did Kyoya ever slept with anyone? Had a one-night stand? Do the do? Went to shady parties? Hell, did he ever drink more than a tiny sip anywhere? Something along those lines."

"W—Why would you—Kyo-sama would—He  _never_  did any of those things!"

Tsuna ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. "Yeah, but there could be things you know that I don't know and—You know what, I'll just show you." He took a quick picture of baby Kyoya and sent it to Tetsuya. " _Look_  at him." Tetsuya didn't speak again for a while; there was some shuffling of feet in the background though. "Exactly. See where I'm coming from? He looks like Kyoya. I thought he  _was_  Kyoya. I still think he is though. Where is Kyoya anyways?"

"He—He's in a conference call with buyers from Korea."

"…You just checked, didn't you?"

"…Yes, he's still in his chair…"

"Please tell me we're really not dealing with Code Black here."

"I—I will get back to you as soon as I can, but I swear that Kyo-sama isn't the type to do those things. I would know since he can be…the  _least_  subtle of people."

"Actually, a very small part of me would be happy if he did because that means he has a life. Then he can take care of this little one and I'll be A-Okay. Get back to me, alright? And don't mention that this came from me. I still want to live."

"Of course. I'll call you as soon as possible."

"Thanks."

After Tetsuya hung up, Tsuna tossed his phone to the side and fell back against the couch with a big sigh. He peered at Reborn from the corner of his eye; the baby was still awake, admirably enough. Huffing, Tsuna reached out to caress Reborn's cheek. It was warm. "You know," he said, leaning a little, "can't you just tell me what the heck is going on? You seem smart."

Reborn gave him a look as if he was stupid, again, and waved his tiny fists in the air to smack Tsuna's hand away. They felt like nothing. Sighing, Tsuna leaned back against the couch and lolled his head back to face the gray ceilings. He stared at them blankly, his mind drifting off to God knew where. His body felt heavy and his eyes fluttered for a second. He shook his head. Yeah, nope. He couldn't sleep now.

Rubbing his eyes, he stood up and headed to the kitchen when Reborn whined behind him. "Oh, for the love of—"

Tsuna groaned, went back, and picked up Reborn along with his empty bottle. He had to get another one soon for baby Kyoya. He was going to call the little one baby Kyoya until Tetsuya called him back. Maybe Hana had an extra bottle. Or he could finally get around to using the car Hibari's parents had given him and drive to the nearest baby supplies store. But then who would look over the babies? He was definitely not bringing them out when they were probably un-vaccinated. Shit. Were they even vaccinated? Why was Tsuna thinking about all of this  _now_?

Grabbing the blanket from the couch, Tsuna hoisted Reborn on his back and tied a firm knot around his stomach, keeping the baby in place. "You better be sleeping when I'm done with this," he mumbled, turning on the coffee machine.

He washed Reborn's bottle while the water heated up. Reborn squirmed a little against his back but stayed quiet for the most part, thank God. As soon as Tsuna had his fill of some coffee, maybe he could last throughout the night. He could already  _feel_  his sleep schedule becoming fucked up. When Tsuna placed a mug under the coffee machine and watched the brown liquid pour inside, he relaxed when the rich aroma filled the air.

Reborn wriggled a little bit more, making Tsuna grimace as he grabbed his cup. "Stop that," he said. "You're going to end up falling."

It wasn't true and Reborn wouldn't know. Actually, Tsuna had a feeling that he would though, which was kind of creepy because babies weren't that smart, no offense. Then again, this whole situation was weird, and he  _needed_  that coffee. He peered over his shoulder to see Reborn still awake and squirming even more. Was it the coffee?

Tsuna sighed. "Sorry, the coffee probably smells weird to you." He blew the mug, watching the steam disappear. "I'll drink it quick." Reborn's response was a loud, piercing wail. "Oh my God, someone kill me… Now what, Reborn?  _What_?" Tsuna thumped his head against the fridge. Reborn's wailing grew louder. "Please, someone, just kill me."

Knowing it was hopeless to get Reborn to stop, Tsuna just set on making more milk for the little devil. His brows furrowed, almost pressing against each other, as he tried to ignore Reborn's cries. The baby was definitely  _hungry_  but for what, Tsuna didn't know. He glanced at the coffee machine, lips pursed, and vaguely wondered if babies could even  _drink_  coffee. He shook his head. How much dumber was he going to get? At this point, half of his brain cells were probably obliterated and never regenerating again.

By the time Tsuna had a warm bottle of milk in his hand, Reborn was pressed against his chest instead of his back and still crying. Tsuna gaped at him when the baby refused to drink the milk. "Come on," he said. "I know it tastes bad but if you don't drink it, you'll starve to death and I really don't think you'll like that." A little  _too_  desperately, he added, "Don't you want to grow up bigger and stronger than Bermuda?"

The speed to which Reborn stopped crying was  _very_  disturbing. Aside from some sniffles, Reborn just…stopped. Not that Tsuna didn't mind but it was probably normal. His guts told him to expect the unexpected more often. That didn't do anything to quell his nerves. Tsuna finally cleared his throat and raised Reborn's bottle.

"Yeah," he said. "The more you drink this, the more you'll grow…and stuff. If you don't drink this, you won't be able to get stronger or live, really. You need  _food_." Tsuna didn't know where this conversation was going, it wasn't like Reborn understood what he was saying; but the strangely keen eyes of the said baby told otherwise. Tsuna was convinced that he stepped into the twilight zone somehow. "If you don't  _eat_  food, you won't be able to grow up to eat  _other_  kinds of food either." In the spur of the moment, he threw in, "And you definitely  _cannot_  drink coffee. Not like this. Maybe when you're older."

Reborn looked like he wanted to kill him and Tsuna had the odd feeling that he would. Before his mind strayed to killing-baby-machines, he said, "You can drink it once you're…10." He winced. "Actually, wait, 10-year-olds shouldn't drink coffee. 14? No, that's still too young." When did  _Tsuna_  drink coffee for the first time? When he looked down at Reborn, he was greeted with a blank face. Well, as much of a blank look a baby could muster. The effect wasn't as scary with Reborn's red eyes and nose and dried tears, but it did the trick. "10 it is then."

Mentally, Tsuna scoffed. As  _if_. He'd wait until Reborn was like 18 or something. Coffee wasn't good for children. He froze. Wait…did he just admit that he'd be  _keeping_  the babies? And for that long? Holy shit, Tsuna had lost it, didn't he? As if sensing Tsuna's internal conflict, Reborn waved a small hand in the air vaguely in the direction of the cooling bottle. Tsuna blinked, snapping out of his muddled thoughts, before smiling a bit. "Sorry," he said, letting Reborn suck on the bottle. "All that talk and I almost forgot to feed you."

It was quiet for a few moments but not the bad kind of quiet. Tsuna found himself relaxing against his chair as he adjusted Reborn into a more comfortable position in his arms. The only sounds in the kitchen were Reborn's reluctant sucks from his bottle and the light hum of the city outside. A knock suddenly came from the door, making Tsuna tense. Who would that be? He groaned softly. If it was Hibari again, he was going to flip or do something else more ridiculous.

With Reborn nestled in his arms, Tsuna headed for the door and peeked in the peephole. He raised a brow when he saw who it was. "Hana," he said, opening the door, "what are you doing here?"

The woman was dressed a little more casually but still wore a nice sweater and some slacks. Her short black hair was neat as always and she looked presentable,  _human_ , compared to Tsuna's rumpled shirt and pants. He had some decency to blush.

"I just came by to check on you," Hana said, her eyes flickering down to Reborn who paused in his feeding to stare at the woman. "Is this the baby?"

"Kaa-chan, can I see?" a chipper voice said. Tsuna blinked until he realized a little girl clutching Hana's hand. She had white hair like her father in pigtails and bright brown eyes. "Can I see the baby, too? Please?"

Hana sighed. "Emiko."

Tsuna found it fascinating how quickly the girl deflated from just her name. He briefly wondered if that would work on Reborn but mentally shook that thought away. He wasn't going to keep them. Nope. Never. This was  _temporary._

"Do you want to come inside?" Tsuna said, opening the door wider. "I have some juice too, if you want, Emiko-chan."

Emiko brightened immediately. "Really? Do you have orange juice?"

"Emiko," Hana said again. Though she accepted Tsuna's invitation and stepped inside, keeping her daughter close to her side.

And again, Emiko deflated. Tsuna made a mental note to ask Hana later how she did th—Oh no. Hell no. He forced a smile at Emiko. "Sure, I do," he said, turning on the lights and leading the two into the kitchen. "Take a seat. Make yourself comfortable. I'll get you a glass. Do you want anything, Hana?"

The woman raised a brow at the baskets of babies in the living room. "I thought you only had two with you," she said.

Tsuna laughed nervously. "Right, yeah, uh, my cousin's…friend dropped that one off like, an hour ago."

Hana's gaze didn't waver. "Are you opening up a nursery?"

Tsuna flushed. "What? No! Never! Why would I—Babies aren't—I wouldn't!"

Emiko giggled. "You look funny, Nii-chan."

After Hana and Emiko got settled at the dining table, Tsuna quickly poured a cup of orange juice for Emiko and grabbed some animal crackers from the cupboard to keep her busy. Hana glanced at the living room, her arm draped behind Emiko's chair. "They can't sleep in baskets forever," she said, a little skeptical at the woven hampers.

Tsuna sighed, taking away Reborn's now empty bottle. The infant struggled to stay awake, eyes fluttering, while mumbling incoherent babbles. It was pretty cute until Tsuna remembered that he was the devil in disguise. "I ordered some cribs online," he said. "They should be here by tomorrow."

Hana pursed her lips. "Didn't your cousin give you some of their essentials?"

Tsuna made himself busy by gently rocking Reborn to sleep and headed for the couch so he wouldn't have to look at Hana in the eyes. She could probably tell he was lying if he did. "She was in a rush," he said.

"So much that she left two babies for you to take care of with no instruction manual?"

Tucking Reborn next to a sleeping Bermuda, Tsuna rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you could say that again," he mumbled under his breath. "She…forgets a lot of things. I'm used to it."

"Let's hope she doesn't forget to pick them up," Hana said. Tsuna had to give it to her though. The woman had one hell of a poker face unlike her husband who was like an open book.

Tsuna's smile strained a bit. "Yeah. Do you want something? Coffee?"

"I'm fine." Hana perused his abode idly while Emiko happily munched on her animal crackers. "Do you have space for them?"

"I can empty that out." Tsuna gestured at the spare room. He grimaced. "Probably should get to that soon."

Hana brushed some crumbs from Emiko's lips. "You know, I'm surprised you're still standing. Taking care of…three infants isn't easy."

Tsuna leaned against the fridge and huffed out a laugh. "You think? My respect for my mom—well,  _every_  mom—just went up a couple of notches. I'm standing only because I got more mouths to feed and I'm a little paranoid that they'd end up dead if I mess up."

Emiko blinked, her big eyes curious. "Did someone die, Nii-chan?"

Tsuna laughed and shook his head. "No, just a figure of speech."

Emiko wrinkled her nose before looking up at Hana. "What's a figure of speech, Kaa-chan?"

"I'll explain later." Hana gave Tsuna a look, which he returned with an easier smile.

"Oh, right," Tsuna said. "I was wondering if you had extra stuff I could borrow. Like a bottle and maybe some more formula?"

"Emiko's 5," Hana deadpanned. "And I already gave you all that I had. The formula's not even mine. They're from Ito-san." When Tsuna pinched the bridge of his nose and quietly counted to ten under his breath, Hana glanced at her watch. "You still have time to head over to Akachan Honpo. They're still open for another two hours."

"What?" Tsuna flushed before lowering his voice. "Really?" He was already looking up the closest store on his phone. "I can get there in 20 minutes. They have everything, right?"

Hana, God bless her, simply listed off all the newborn essentials Tsuna would need ( _temporarily_ ) until his nonexistent cousin came back. "A week," he said, when she asked how long they would be with him. After typing all the stuff Hana told him, with some excited chatters from Emiko about dolls and juice, Tsuna grabbed his coat and was about to slip on his shoes when he suddenly realized something. He looked back at the couch, taking in the sleeping infants in their strange baskets. "I can't leave them," he said.

Rolling her eyes, Hana waved him off. "I'll stay here until you come back."

Tsuna sagged in relief. "Thank you, Hana. I owe you."

"Just hurry back."

With a nod, Tsuna left his apartment and bolted towards the stairs, foregoing the elevator. This better be fucking temporary or else he'd combust.

* * *

Although Fon was familiar with peace, he wasn't comfortable with the peace that fell on him after Kawahira cast his curse. Peace was supposed to be gentle, a soft caress of quiet warm on his skin. This kind of peace was foreign to him, suffocating, oppressive—and Fon did not like being suppressed. However, unlike his siblings, he had patience. He was slightly miffed at the fact that he had to wait until the stifling silence released him, but there was no other course of action he could take.

And so, he waited, drifting within the undercurrents of black shadows and murky darkness that rippled around him like the waters of a disturbed lake. Every tremor made him sink even deeper within himself and embracing what peace he had left. His siblings had labeled it his "eye of the storm", the moment before everything would inevitably fall. But Fon was subtler than that. He'd strike quick and move on as if nothing had happened. That way, no one would knew what even hit them.

Kawahira would not have that luxury and Fon wasn't all that keen on letting his siblings get to the old god first.

Finally, a shaft of dull light breached the shadows. Fon didn't waste time in following it. The first thing that he registered was that his body felt terribly small and  _weak_. None of his tiny limbs seemed to move the way he wanted to. He wriggled a bit in some soft confinement, a blanket, he vaguely noted. His eyes opened slowly and closed even slower as he tried adjusting to the onslaught of artificial lights. They were too bright. He could hear someone—people?—talking in the background, a chorus of voices that overlapped in a nauseating symphony.

A loud bang made him flinch. Full-blown panic, something he had never felt in millenniums, struck him in the head, thrumming through his veins and making his heart thump faster. Before Fon could reign in his control, his mouth opened and a strange wail escaped him. He had never sounded so… _vulnerable,_ so  _weak_.

" _You are to be cursed in human bodies_   _as infants with nothing more than your own conscience. You will have no access to your magic or affinities until the curse is complete."_

Kawahira's words didn't make it any better. That arrogant man only dragged in innocents to his schemes, only caring about the greater good as he would say. What greater good was it to confine the  _gods_  to a horrible prison when there was a whole universe to nurture and guide? Besides, Fon had merely retaliated against Reborn for disturbing his meditation. He wondered how long it would take for Reborn (and his other siblings) the message that there were times he  _didn't_  want to be disturbed.

He also wondered when he would stop crying.

"Emiko, I told you to lower the TV," a faint voice said.

"Sorry, Kaa-chan," another person said.

They sounded closer than the other mess of voices in the background, which lowered considerably. Fon could barely see through his hot tears and bright lights when he felt himself being lifted. Someone held him in their arms, a woman, but he couldn't make out her blurry face. She hushed him gently but Fon couldn't hear her. His senses were sluggish, unrefined, and he couldn't tell left from right. Fon, the god of storms and the wind, confined in the body of an infant who could not more or less move without heaving itself across the floor was the perfect punishment. If Fon was a better god, he would have praised Kawahira for such a fine thing—but he wasn't.

"You'll be fine," the woman said quietly, shushing and rocking him gently in her arms. The motion only irritated Fon, not soothe him. His cries inexplicably grew louder. "You're fine. You're fine. Here. You must be hungry."

Something soft pressed against Fon's lips. Mortified, he closed his mouth and turned away, thrashing in his blankets. His panic morphed into anger. Kawahira would never be graced with the wonders of the world ever again. Fon wished he could change into his adult body and run. He quickly vanquished the thought. He was anything but a coward. Yet the fact that he thought of such a foolish desire merely added more fuel to the fire.

The woman clicked her tongue but didn't stop trying to feed Fon the bottle. "I know you're hungry. God knows how long you haven't gone without your mother's milk." The notion of Sepira being his mother wasn't a pleasant one. She was just as responsible as Kawahira. "Alright then." The bottle disappeared and the woman returned to rocking Fon in her arms again, hushing him gently.

"Can I see him, Kaa-chan?" the other occupant said. A child. "Please?"

"Can you get my phone for me please, Emiko?"

The child hummed an affirmative. Fon's throat burned, both from his wailing cries and the sudden arousal of hunger. He never envied children, soft and malleable as they were, and wasn't about to ever. He tried to think of lush green fields, steady rivers, and glowing fireflies but all he drew were blanks. With his incessant crying, it was difficult to even grasp a solid image.

There was a sudden shift in the air after the sound of a door flinging open. Another person had entered the foreign space. As a small distraction, Fon wondered idly how long it would take for him to re-learn all the martial arts he had acquired over the years. It would certainly take a toll on his now mortal body but Fon was determined. And it would be unfortunate for all that knowledge to just go to waste. He did quite like how the humans were able to create different combat styles over the years. Almost unwillingly, Colonnello's voice floated through his head, "Why can't you ever think about the shit you get yourself into?"

Simple—Fon didn't think about it, and instead, replaced what would be chaotic thoughts with much more positive ones. It wasn't his fault if his hot-headed siblings didn't understand how to be grounded.

"Oh, fu—Uh, he's awake?" the new person said, a young man this time. There was the loud rustling of bags and if Fon could, he would frown at how much noise they made.

"Nii-chan, Nii-chan, he's been crying for a long time!" the child said. "He's really, really loud!"

"I think you're louder."

The child giggled. The door soon closed shut. There was a shuffle of footsteps before Fon felt himself being transported carefully into another pair of arms. While the woman's arms were firm and secure, the man's were gentle and comforting. A strange contrast but…Fon found himself slowly settling when the man bounced him lightly in a steady rhythm.

"How long has it been since he woke up?" the man said, his voice soft.

"Give or take 15 minutes," the woman said. "I don't think he would've stopped if you hadn't come on time."

Were they a wedded couple? Their conversation indicated otherwise, however, and the child had referred to the man as an older brother of sorts. Familial ties were simply confusing. Fon had asked Verde once some thousands of years ago and all he got was some convoluted explanation of a tree of family.

"Sorry, Hana. I really owe you for this."

"It's fine. You have your hands full already. I'll think of something later. I made the last bit of formula for that one. You bought more, right?"

"Yeah, I did. Thanks for that, too. Watching the babies and all that, also. Just, thanks for everything."

"The others haven't waken up yet but I think one of the twins will soon."

Twins? Was Fon not alone in this unfamiliar place?

"Ah, yeah. Bermuda. It's almost time for him to eat."

Reborn and Bermuda—Fon felt a small inkling of pity for whoever had to handle them. They were already horrendous to manage as adults. He could only imagine how they were as infants. The small rational side inside him told him that he was accepting this situation in too calmly, but he wasn't. He did not accept this situation nor did he accept the curse, merely adapting as an old monk had told him years ago.

"I'm surprised though," Hana said. "That one stopped crying when you held him. I couldn't even feed him the bottle."

"Oh, I don't know," the man said. "Maybe you just held him wrong or something?"

"Tsuna."

"I don't know what you want me to say!" Fon tensed from the volume of the man's voice. As if sensing his discomfort, the man whispered an apology before saying, "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. It's been a long night, day, days, I don't know. I'm just…hating my cousin right now and you can understand a bit, right? Still, that doesn't mean I can just lash out at you. I didn't mean to."

The man spoke too much when he was nervous, a habit that was unappealing to Fon in many ways, but strangely, didn't bother him. The man's voice was soothing in a way, soft, and Fon eventually relaxed again. Although, he didn't know that Sepira or Kawahira had a cousin. The strange duo and his siblings were the only deities there were. Yet, this man didn't feel all that powerful. Fon didn't know what to make of the odd situation.

"It's fine, Tsuna," Hana said. "You're tired. I get it. If you'd like, I can get you in contact with my babysitter. She's good with kids."

"Kids, not babies," the man said.

"Tsuna."

The man huffed a small laugh. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Thanks. I'd appreciate it. But this won't be long though. Just a week."

There was a desperate, almost hopeful tinge in his voice that made Fon mentally sigh. There would be no way this curse would last a week, and if he and his siblings ended up in this man's…house, then what was there to say that they'd be forced to get acquainted? It wasn't something Fon was looking forward to, much less so if his siblings would be around, but he had to  _adapt_.

"It'd be good for you to have someone to help," Hana said. "You're going to end up exhausting yourself."

Tsuna sighed. "Yeah." The same rubbery object from before gently pressed against Fon's lips. He still didn't open them. "I appreciate it. I think I need some divine intervention at some point."

Fon supposed Tsuna wouldn't be happy that that had already occurred, and not in the way he expected. Hana snorted lightly. "No mother or parent was ever lucky." Her voice softened just a tad. "You'll be fine. Just give me a call if you need anything. Emiko and I have to go. Ryohei will be back soon."

"Yeah, you should go. Sorry for keeping you here."

"I'll let my babysitter know. Come on, Emiko."

"Bye-bye, Nii-chan!" the child said. "When I come back, can I play with them?"

Tsuna laughed, a surprisingly pleasant sound. Fon found himself pitying him even more. He was only a kind mortal and unfortunate enough to be saddled with such burden. Kawahira always went the extra mile, didn't he?

"We'll see," Tsuna said. "Good night, Emiko-chan, Hana."

"Let me know," Hana said. There was a small pause. "Tsuna, that baby—He looks like—"

"Nope, no relations whatsoever. Just a coincidence. I know, trust me."

Hana didn't sound convinced but let the matter drop. Fon felt like there was something missing here. "Okay. Good night."

A brief moment of silence fell after the door closed. Sighing, Tsuna headed to an unknown destination, Fon reveling in the small feeling of movement until Tsuna stopped. The man descended, plopping down on what Fon assumed was the couch. A small beep echoed in the air before the lights dimmed a bit and the TV turned off.

"At least you're better than Reborn," Tsuna finally said. "But please eat. It'll help. I promise. I don't think you want to starve."

Fon blinked, his eyes dryer now. Tsuna's face slowly came into focus but not quite. The bottle pressed against his lips was demeaning, but eventually, Fon forced himself to drink the terrible liquid. He tried to imagine it was oolong tea. It helped only slightly. Tsuna cooed from relief. "Definitely better than Reborn."

It was quiet for the rest of their time together. Soon, Fon's eyes fluttered and darkness creeped again around the edges. Surprisingly the peace that enveloped him was much sweeter than what Kawahira had cast on him. Oh, the simmering anger in him hissed at the thought of the god, but with a full belly and wrapped in warm arms cooled it into a tiny ember. Fon wouldn't hide the fact that he  _preened_  when Tsuna said he was better than Reborn.

And with that pleasant thought in mind to keep the large dragon at bay, Fon surrendered himself peacefully to slumber.

* * *

It was quite the hunt to find all of the gods, but Sepira found it quite entertaining and amusing to discover that Kawahira had a sense of humor albeit a tad twisted. She found Lal Mirch somewhere on Mt. Vesuvius, which she found fitting and would never voice aloud when all this was done. Lal Mirch would probably cause something else more worse than what happened in Pompeii. Kawahira had confined her in a tomb of ice for  _years_  after that spectacle.

"Oh, this is marvelous, isn't it?" Sepira said, carrying Lal Mirch's basket in her arm. Below was the city of Naples, a homely sight with its small white buildings and industrial smoke. The sunset cast a dark glow against it, giving the white clouds a purple-pink tinge and reddening the volcano's peak. The seas whispered in the distance, their waves climbing onto and receding from the shores at the edge of the city. "Fon did quite good work on the lands."

There was no response from the sleeping baby but Sepira didn't expect any. The deity took her time walking down from the top of the volcano, which simmered quietly underneath her feet, thriving with energy and life. She smiled up at the sky. "I hope he's doing fine," she said. "The three of them aren't easy but I believe he can do it. Ah, I  _know_  he can do it. This will just take some time." She looked down at Lal Mirch and tucked the maroon blanket more securely around the baby. "Your brother isn't too far from here."

With a skip in her step, Sepira bounded down the jagged rocks on light feet, almost floating as she drew closer to where the mortals were. Before she reached the bottom, she paused for a moment and tilted her head. Some birds flew past overhead, their wings fluttering softly. Sepira chuckled behind her hand. "Colonnello won't be going anywhere," she said. "Let's give Tsuna some time to adjust, hm? Besides, the sights are quite lovely."

And with that, the goddess resumed her leisurely stroll at a patient, more measured pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this…took a long time, huh.
> 
> A little fun fact: Akachan Honpo is basically a chain-store for baby and children goods in Japan.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Have a lovely day and a Merry Christmas, peeps~
> 
> Little Miss Bunny


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